Glee S01E14: Say Hello, Drama

OH WOW GLEE IS BACK! Are you guys psyched or what?

Rachel, Mercedes, and Kurt still haven’t come off of the high from winning sectionals: everyone’s looking at them differently, they’re Glitterati, and Kurt feels like Lady Gaga.

Rawr.

But, according to the slushie-wielding masses, Glee still makes up the population of Loosertown. Sorry Rachel.

Meanwhile, Figgins is telling Will that Glee needs to place at Regionals because the Cheerios need the auditorium for practice space in the cold weather. Hold on—Will got rid of Sue after sectionals, right?

… Sorry Will. Sue’s back with a vengeance and much better blackmail on Figgins. Can’t you see the way he cringed when she mentioned whip cream? How could you, Figgins? Will is righteously pissed.

And it’s now Basketball season! As you can see, Finn is a bit distracted. It might be Puck, who is also on the team, or how he isn’t really over Quinn, but it’s most likely Rachel in the bright blue t-shirt that proudly proclaims “TEAM FINN” with gold stars. Glad to see that Glee is staying out of the Twilight debate.

Oh, and Rachel is finally revealed as the crazy girlfriend that we all expected her to be: chatty, controlling, and complete with His & Her date calendars. (Dear Gleeks, tell me, are those the heads of Rachel and Finn photo-shopped onto the bodies of fluffy kittens?) Finn is also aspiring to be Ken because of his amazing way of dealing with the loss of his fiancé: gaining forty pounds and completely losing whatever microscopic sense of personal hygiene he had in the first place. But still, this is accepted as normal–which is what Finn wants, right?

Poor Finn.

As a precursor to Sue’s tale of blackmail, she is no longer confused by another student’s “she-male looks” and will, out of the goodness of her heart, donate his ponytail to the victims of Hurricane Katrina that need to patch up their trailers. Bless you, Sue, bless you.

Oh wait, you date-raped the Principal. Never mind.

Sue refuses to bury the hatchet, promising pain and unemployment for the humiliation that Will caused.

At rehearsal, Will is practicing his artistic talent and giving our favorite starlets a history lesson about telephone greetings, which leads to a casual reminder that Kurt’s mom is dead.

Poor Kurt. We love you! Anyway, Will says that New Directions needs, well, new new directions. So the assignment of the week is to come up with a song that has “hello” in the title. Sounds easy, right? We’ll see.

Alright, so the most I could do at this next part was hyperventilate and try to not let out a rush of fangirly joy.

Will: I mean, here we are, we’ve been in the exact situation a hundred times… Only this time, I can just lean over and kiss you if I want to. (pause, get nasty) And I want to.

Man, Will, you are one sly dog. Of course, Emma freaks out a little, because she’s OCD and all. Apparently, the only reason that she kissed him last time was because he caught her by “surprise sneak attack.” Will, however, agrees (dammit Will!) and suggests they go on a date. At his place. He’s cooking.

…Hawt.

Yeah, Emma, I know how you feel.

Meanwhile, Sue is still in control of Brittany and Santana. Right now she wants them to commit seppuku with a letter opener for helping Glee win Sectionals. So, to make up for their error, Sue’s new diabolical scheme is to have them seduce Finn to piss off Rachel so she’ll leave the club in shame. Sue, I don’t know if you understand that, while Santana is definitely conniving, Brittany has trouble remembering her middle name and Finn is as sharp as a basketball when it comes to women, or anything for that matter. Can’t you see this backfiring?

Will and Finn are having quality time. Will is giving Finn a pep-talk, trying to introduce him to his inner rock star and the new person he has become since he left Quinn. Cue first song of the second season: “Hello, I Love You” by the Doors. And, since music solves everything, Finn’s confidence is super-charged. So much so, that he’s got his groove back and gained a cheerleader entourage.

Witness the power of music.

Oh, and note the laser beams that shoot out of Kurt’s eyes when Finn was performing for the club and kinda sorta singing the song in his general direction. Now that the song is over, the cheerleaders are on the move. Quinn knows exactly what’s going on but doesn’t say anything. Best not to get involved, girl. Santana and Brittany suggest a date… with both of them.

Can you see him doing the math in his head? Bad Finn.

So Santana and Brittany give him a time, place, and table count (since we all understand Finn’s trouble with numbers). Rachel is a little suspicious when she sees them walking away and asks Finn what they wanted. Finn, showing some primordial glimmer of intelligence, says nothing. Rachel drags him to one side and tells him what we all know: she’s “not popular” and her “personality, though exciting, isn’t exactly low-maintenance,” but she’ll always be honest with him. And she also says that she wants him to be honest with her. To which Finn, the genius, responds, “I don’t think I want to be your boyfriend.” This wouldn’t be as bad except Finn adds that he needs to “connect with [his] inner rock star before [he] can fully commit to one woman.”

To which Rachel responds: “I’ll tell you who you are. You’re a scared little boy. You’re afraid of dating me because you think it might hurt your reputation which, though you would never admit it, is very important to you. You hate what Quinn did to you, not just because it hurt but because it was so humiliating.”

ZING! You tell him, girl.

At rehearsal Rachel has a song. Which is, of course, “Gives You Hell” by All American Rejects. See Finn? That was a bad move back there. Everyone, save for Finn and Will, gets into it. Rachel does a little dance with the Other Asian (who’s name, I have just found out, is Mike Chang. Who knew?).

His name is MIKE!

Anyway, Will is pissed. He’s nervous about Vocal Adrenaline.

Moved by Will’s anger, Rachel goes looking for music at a… library… place? Here, she gets approached by a devilishly handsome, confident, soft spoken young man by the name of Jessie St. James, also known as the male lead of Vocal Adrenaline. He is blatantly coming on to our starlet before, during, and after they sing a duet of Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello.”

There is some definite chemistry. Or trickery. And a random band? (Wait, what?) Basically, they rock the song, and Jessie suggests that they do this more often, like, on Friday night. Say no Rachel! Just say no!

Speaking of dates, Brittany and Santana are on one. Gossiping. About hot guys and how Finn should be dating someone like them instead of someone like Rachel. Finn, of course, is right across from them, a little confused. He leaves without finishing his meal, because aside from them gossiping like he’s not there, they’re also bitchy. But lo, all is not a complete loss. Brittany shares with us yet another piece of her never-ending wisdom: “Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?”

We love you Brittany, even if you work for the enemy.

And holy crap, look! Another date. This one, starring Will and Emma, is going swimmingly. They’re slow dancing to “Hello Again” by Neil Diamond and Will is singing to her.

And we all fall into a respectful, yet giddy silence for a Will/Emma make-out session, which we’ve been waiting for since forever. Emma stops him though, not because she’s being OCD, but because she’s not only mentally ill, she’s also a virgin. Emma freaks out a bit, but Will lies and says he understands and they sit down to watch one of the only movies that Terri left behind: Jerry Bruckheimer masterpiece Armageddon.

Next day, Finn approaches Rachel about dating, because he wants her now. Rachel, however, has Jessie. (Bad Rachel!) Rachel is convinced that this “Romeo and Juliet romance” won’t be a problem. Finn is righteously suspicious. So he rats her out to Will.

Will arrives at the Vocal Adrenaline practice, where he catches their rendition of AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell.” Shelby, the director (played by the amazing Indina Menzel), brings one image to mind: a Sue Sylvester of Glee directing, except not a sharp and hell-bent on Will’s destruction. [Ed. Note: Also she looks like Rachel's MILF mom.]

Or is she? Anyway, Will confronts her about Rachel and Jessie. She takes it fine, and suddenly…

BAD WILL. VERY BAD WILL.

Will stops Shelby as she’s trying to strip off his shirt. He makes her coffee and they sit down for a nice chat. Shelby is somewhat confused when she hears that Will isn’t exactly divorced and somewhat dating Emma. Will aptly puts it as, “I’m kind of a mess.” Here I had a déjà vu moment, because Shelby gives him the same advice that Will gave Finn, which makes me wonder if Schue is stupid. Anyway, Shelby gives him her number for when he gets things sorted out.

Still. Bad Will.

Rachel is confronted by Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, and Artie about Jessie. Rachel attempts to smooth things over, but fails. Mercedes, who is the queen of telling people what needs to be said [Ed. Note: Mercedes is the show's token Sassy Black Girl Who Tells It Like It Is.], tells Rachel, “We’re a team. And all you’ve ever wanted if for us to be great and be apart of something special. Now is that still true, or not?”

Go Mercedes.

Meanwhile, Sue tries to brainwash Rachel with the classic “Old Maid’s Club” tick. This is a club she invented just now for lonely, unlovable girls who can’t find a man. Don’t listen to her Rachel!

Oh, and Emma is setting up a suprise for Will when HOLY CRAP Terry walks in. They get into a little verbal catfight and Terry tells Emma that the song Will chose was their prom song.

…hate you Terry.

Rachel goes to visit Jessie at the Vocal Adrenaline stage to confront him about the truth of his intentions. Sly snake that he is, Jessie reintroduces himself as “Jessie, the guy who’s nuts about you; the guy who would never hurt you.” Rachel tells him that no one can know.

Don’t listen to him Rachel!

See that? That there. He’s looking at his coach. Who set this up. See? Bad Rachel.

Will is in Emma’s office, to talk about the perfect dinner table that she had set up. Emma tells him that Terry came by. That girl is way too smart for her own good. She tells Will the same thing that Shelby told him, which was the same thing that Will told Finn way back at the beginning of the episode. Am I detecting a pattern here?

Will and Emma break it off, but they do leave the door open. Emma sits down and cries.

Rachel tells Finn that she ended it with Jessie. But what’s this? Finn wants to be with Rachel! Rachel is speechless and then says she can’t. Finn says, “Woah, I’m not just some guy that you met at a music store that you can just blow off. I don’t give up that easy.” My, how the tables have turned.

As the ending song, New Directions present “Hello, Goodbye” from the Beatles while Emma watches will from the balcony of the auditorium. The Rachel and Finn chemistry has turned emotionally fraught.

See? Clearly a face tormented by emotional conflict. The song ends, and Rachel runs off stage.

Next Week: Glee travels back in time when Sue understudied for Madonna. Speaking of which, after the show they aired this piece of genius: