[Ed. Note--You all know our resident Glee recapper extraordinaire, Erika. Presented is her recap of last week's episode, "Bad Reputation". SPOILER ALERT, duh.]

Week before last: Rachel started dating Jesse from Vocal Adrenaline but now he sings for Glee and she hasn’t slept with him yet; Emma almost slept with Will but chickened out; Finn slept with Santana but said he didn’t; and Mercedes and Kurt joined the Cheerios.

Last week: Mercedes made it through some weight issues with help from Quinn; Kurt’s dad and Finn’s mom started dating; April came back and bought the auditorium for the Glee club; and Sue narrowly escaped getting exposed by an investigative reporter with help from Mercedes.

(Also I’m free from classes and finals now, which means I am all yours this summer.)

The show opens with Sue dancing to the classically awful Olivia Newton John horror from the 80s, “Let’s Get Physical”, on the computer courtesy of Kurt. Finn’s idea? Post it on YouTube. When he is met with objections, Jesse suggests that Glee should be more badass.

Sue, unsuspecting, is walking down the hallway. The typical fear of Sue Sylvester has been diffused into cheerful (or Gleeful?) informalities.

Sue is confused.

So, Sue does the only thing she can do: goes directly to Figgins’ office and rats out the Glee club. She has also updated her insults: Will’s chin, apparently, looks like a baby’s ass. When Will states, calmly, that Glee club had nothing to do with it, because Sue is generally disliked, Sue replies with the Glist.

A Glist, you ask? It is a “weekly” ranking of the Glee clubbers based on sexual promiscuity. Figgins is, of course, unhappy. He cites a recent incident in which an entire school was expelled because of a photo of the superintendent in lingerie and riding a pony surfaced. Figgins’ ultimatum? Find and suspend the student responsible or the entire Glee club will be held accountable.

At rehearsal, Will shows the club the Glist and begins his interrogations. Everyone accuses Puck, who is offended by their accusations. The club’s star troublemaker says, “Sure, I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people that I don’t know. I own that. But  I’m not a liar.” Will says that this reputation is damaging to the club, but Artie counters that maybe this more dangerous edge of the Glee club will stop people from flushing his glasses down the toilet. That sounds horribly expensive, Artie!

Will says that things are hard and starts handing out new music. Anything can be solved with music.

The club is a little apprehensive of their assignment to pick a song that’s a joke and get rid of its bad reputation, with like, magic or something? It’s not really clear. Will decides to provide an example, and goes into the first number, “Ice Ice Baby” from Vanilla Ice.

This song is paroled. Thank you, Glee. And poor Artie. (Wheelchair=No Dancing.)

Meanwhile, Sue walks into the faculty room to face the “cruel slow-motion laughter.” A new staff member, Brenda Castle (guest star Molly Shannon), approaches and calls Sue an embarrassment. Sue storms from the room, mortified.

Rachel and Artie are having a little chat in the hallway. Rachel was dead last on the Glist with a score of -5. (How does that even happen? What are the scoring rules of the Glist again?) She wants the AV club’s help with her new video project that she wants to use to boost her bad reputation. She does not want a good reputation, in fact she wants to be “ musically promiscuous.” Can anyone smell this backfiring?

Rachel isn’t the only Gleek concerned with her reputation, or lack thereof. Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina were not even featured on the list. So Kurt has summoned them to plan their descent into depravity. Brittany is there too, because…

“I’ve been here since first period. I have a cold. I took all my antibiotics and the same time, and now I can’t remember how to leave.”

We love you Brittany. [Ed. Note--So much.]

So they include Brittany in their plot, which is great since she’s the greatest. Kurt’s diabolical scheme? Be a disruption in the library. Not by trying to check out a reference book, no, but by causing full on chaos–SINGING IN THE LIBRARY. Seriously, what a bunch of nerds.

Sue is pouring out her heart to her sister with Down’s syndrome, Jean. Sue is in a state of shock at the way that people were treating her and apologizes for not protecting her sister more. It’s moments like these that remind us Sue Sylvester is human. Jean reminds her that they used to “give back” when they felt bad like this.

So Sue becomes Emma’s new therapist. Wait… what? Emma is rightly apprehensive, but it’s okay because Sue has her masters in… Counseling. Sure, television, whatever you say. Oh, and she had baby monitors planted in Will’s house (thanks, Patriot Act!), which caught his make out session with Shelby (Vocal Adrenaline coach/Rachel’s secret mom/Idina Menzel) and his sleepover with April. Sue spills the beans and tells Emma that she needs to stand up for herself and confront Will in a public setting.

Meanwhile, Puck is in Rachel’s room. Uh oh. What are you doing Rachel? Oh and Puck is moonlighting as the Phantom of the Opera.

Go Puck.

Rachel asks him to help with her Glee club project a video of “Run Joey Run” by David Geddes. Puck asks her if she thinks he made the Glist. And then they start talking about reputations, and…

Just say no, Rachel! [Ed. Note--DO IT, RACHEL!]

Well, Rachel doesn’t kiss him and when Puck realizes he won’t be getting any he tries to leave. Rachel gets him to stay to help with the project.

At school, Emma is being propelled along by Sue to the faculty room to confront Will. They are slightly detoured by Brenda and they exchange words. (Sue has met her match) Brenda leaves, and Sue pushes Emma into the teacher’s lounge.

Will is talking to another teacher, solemnly. Emma wants to talk, but Will asks her to give him a second. Emma looses it. She tells him that she can’t wait for the end of his heavy petting session with the teacher, which was actually a discussion about the aforementioned teacher’s recent widowing. (Nice going Emma.) Undeterred, she plows on, saying that no one is safe and tears him a new one.

And then she calls him a slut.

Wow Emma. [Ed. Note--When she's right she's right.]

Meanwhile, Kurt, Mercedes, Brittany, Tina, and Artie enter the library. They perform their rendition of “U Can’t Touch This” from MC Hammer.

Yikes.

The librarian tells them it was very cute. And asks them to perform for her church’s Sunday service.

Sorry guys, better luck next time.

Will is now interrogating the Glee club member by member. Finn, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Puck, Brittany, and Quinn all deny and push the blame off to someone else. Frustrated, Will slams the desk and says that they aren’t leaving until he gets answers.

Kurt: May I be blunt?

Will: Shoot.

Kurt: Ever since you’ve separated from your wife, you’ve spent a lot of late nights watching reruns of Law and Order, haven’t you? (beat) Thought so.

Will dejected, stops the questioning. Meanwhile, Artie suggests that they confess to Sue that they posted the video.

Sue, meanwhile, is writing in her journal about the humiliations she has endured because of this video scandal. (Is this karmic retribution for the video she tried to hold against Figgins in Season 1?) She gets a phone call from Olivia Newton John. Sue, annoyed and thinking this is a hoax, calls her accent ridiculous and hangs up on her. Olivia calls back and this time Sue drops the phone. She wanted to know why Sue danced to the video and wants Sue’s help to save it.

In the hallway Will is facing Sue’s criticisms, Brenda’s come-ons and Figgins’ prayers because of his reputation. Ken makes a comeback, popping out of nowhere to chew on Will for breaking Emma’s heart. And Sue walks by again just to call him a slut.

Kurt is saying his farewells to Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, and Artie. He approaches Sue, confesses, and she thanks him.

Kurt is stunned.

Confused, they go and search for the video and find this amazing footage featuring Olivia Newton John and one Sue Sylvester in a new rendition of “Physical.”

Muscles, tans, and spandex. What more could we ask for? [Ed. Note--A better song?]

Go Sue and Olivia.

I agree, Mercedes.

At rehearsal, Will gives the club an ultimatum about the Glist. Rachel shows them her project.

Puck is singing. Jesse is confused. Finn is confused. Then Jesse is singing. Now Puck is confused and Finn is still confused. Then Finn is singing, and everyone is confused.

Now Finn, Jesse, and Puck are, on top of being confused, also pissed.

Bad Rachel. Very bad Rachel.

The boys break out in protest. Finn tears her a new one and they walk out on her. Will looks disappointed.

Jean and Sue are hanging out again. Sue is happy about her new attitude change, but she kind of skims over the part where she bragged about being a top 700 recording artist to the faculty lounge. But Sue is taking the money that she’s getting from the video and donating it to the home where Jean lives.

Bring on the warm fuzzies.

Speaking of warm fuzzies, Will has flowers for Emma. She takes them, uncertain, and Will apologizes for his actions. He wants to fix things with Emma, but Emma is somewhat unresponsive. She thanks him for the flowers and Will leaves, a little crushed. However, he realizes that Quinn made the list, because of some stupid and lazily written reason.

Quinn breaks down and says that “a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all.” Will gives her a few inspirational words and… Figgins walks in the door, seeking the culprit.

Will doesn’t rat out Quinn and gets Glee club off the hook. Oh, and Figgins is still praying for him.

In between classes, Jesse approaches Rachel. He confronts her about what she did. Rachel says, “I knew you’d break my heart.” To which Jesse responds, “You broke mine first.”

Wow, this makes me think that Jesse really cared about Rachel and isn’t a spy like I originally thought. [Ed. Note--"I became a spy before I really got to know you!" -Jesse, before the season's end, mark my words.]

Which brings us to our final song from Bonnie Taylor, “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, complete with Jesse and Rachel doing ballet for the number. Finn and Jesse seem to be her focus, but she’s definitely spending more time looking at Jesse.

As the song ends, Finn, the entire club, and Jesse walk out on Rachel. Good going Rachel.

Next week: Rachel becomes mute; Puck goes after Mercedes; and Brittany and Kurt elope.

OH WOW GLEE IS BACK! Are you guys psyched or what?

Rachel, Mercedes, and Kurt still haven’t come off of the high from winning sectionals: everyone’s looking at them differently, they’re Glitterati, and Kurt feels like Lady Gaga.

Rawr.

But, according to the slushie-wielding masses, Glee still makes up the population of Loosertown. Sorry Rachel.

Meanwhile, Figgins is telling Will that Glee needs to place at Regionals because the Cheerios need the auditorium for practice space in the cold weather. Hold on—Will got rid of Sue after sectionals, right?

… Sorry Will. Sue’s back with a vengeance and much better blackmail on Figgins. Can’t you see the way he cringed when she mentioned whip cream? How could you, Figgins? Will is righteously pissed.

And it’s now Basketball season! As you can see, Finn is a bit distracted. It might be Puck, who is also on the team, or how he isn’t really over Quinn, but it’s most likely Rachel in the bright blue t-shirt that proudly proclaims “TEAM FINN” with gold stars. Glad to see that Glee is staying out of the Twilight debate.

Oh, and Rachel is finally revealed as the crazy girlfriend that we all expected her to be: chatty, controlling, and complete with His & Her date calendars. (Dear Gleeks, tell me, are those the heads of Rachel and Finn photo-shopped onto the bodies of fluffy kittens?) Finn is also aspiring to be Ken because of his amazing way of dealing with the loss of his fiancé: gaining forty pounds and completely losing whatever microscopic sense of personal hygiene he had in the first place. But still, this is accepted as normal–which is what Finn wants, right?

Poor Finn.

As a precursor to Sue’s tale of blackmail, she is no longer confused by another student’s “she-male looks” and will, out of the goodness of her heart, donate his ponytail to the victims of Hurricane Katrina that need to patch up their trailers. Bless you, Sue, bless you.

Oh wait, you date-raped the Principal. Never mind.

Sue refuses to bury the hatchet, promising pain and unemployment for the humiliation that Will caused.

At rehearsal, Will is practicing his artistic talent and giving our favorite starlets a history lesson about telephone greetings, which leads to a casual reminder that Kurt’s mom is dead.

Poor Kurt. We love you! Anyway, Will says that New Directions needs, well, new new directions. So the assignment of the week is to come up with a song that has “hello” in the title. Sounds easy, right? We’ll see.

Alright, so the most I could do at this next part was hyperventilate and try to not let out a rush of fangirly joy.

Will: I mean, here we are, we’ve been in the exact situation a hundred times… Only this time, I can just lean over and kiss you if I want to. (pause, get nasty) And I want to.

Man, Will, you are one sly dog. Of course, Emma freaks out a little, because she’s OCD and all. Apparently, the only reason that she kissed him last time was because he caught her by “surprise sneak attack.” Will, however, agrees (dammit Will!) and suggests they go on a date. At his place. He’s cooking.

…Hawt.

Yeah, Emma, I know how you feel.

Meanwhile, Sue is still in control of Brittany and Santana. Right now she wants them to commit seppuku with a letter opener for helping Glee win Sectionals. So, to make up for their error, Sue’s new diabolical scheme is to have them seduce Finn to piss off Rachel so she’ll leave the club in shame. Sue, I don’t know if you understand that, while Santana is definitely conniving, Brittany has trouble remembering her middle name and Finn is as sharp as a basketball when it comes to women, or anything for that matter. Can’t you see this backfiring?

Will and Finn are having quality time. Will is giving Finn a pep-talk, trying to introduce him to his inner rock star and the new person he has become since he left Quinn. Cue first song of the second season: “Hello, I Love You” by the Doors. And, since music solves everything, Finn’s confidence is super-charged. So much so, that he’s got his groove back and gained a cheerleader entourage.

Witness the power of music.

Oh, and note the laser beams that shoot out of Kurt’s eyes when Finn was performing for the club and kinda sorta singing the song in his general direction. Now that the song is over, the cheerleaders are on the move. Quinn knows exactly what’s going on but doesn’t say anything. Best not to get involved, girl. Santana and Brittany suggest a date… with both of them.

Can you see him doing the math in his head? Bad Finn.

So Santana and Brittany give him a time, place, and table count (since we all understand Finn’s trouble with numbers). Rachel is a little suspicious when she sees them walking away and asks Finn what they wanted. Finn, showing some primordial glimmer of intelligence, says nothing. Rachel drags him to one side and tells him what we all know: she’s “not popular” and her “personality, though exciting, isn’t exactly low-maintenance,” but she’ll always be honest with him. And she also says that she wants him to be honest with her. To which Finn, the genius, responds, “I don’t think I want to be your boyfriend.” This wouldn’t be as bad except Finn adds that he needs to “connect with [his] inner rock star before [he] can fully commit to one woman.”

To which Rachel responds: “I’ll tell you who you are. You’re a scared little boy. You’re afraid of dating me because you think it might hurt your reputation which, though you would never admit it, is very important to you. You hate what Quinn did to you, not just because it hurt but because it was so humiliating.”

ZING! You tell him, girl.

At rehearsal Rachel has a song. Which is, of course, “Gives You Hell” by All American Rejects. See Finn? That was a bad move back there. Everyone, save for Finn and Will, gets into it. Rachel does a little dance with the Other Asian (who’s name, I have just found out, is Mike Chang. Who knew?).

His name is MIKE!

Anyway, Will is pissed. He’s nervous about Vocal Adrenaline.

Moved by Will’s anger, Rachel goes looking for music at a… library… place? Here, she gets approached by a devilishly handsome, confident, soft spoken young man by the name of Jessie St. James, also known as the male lead of Vocal Adrenaline. He is blatantly coming on to our starlet before, during, and after they sing a duet of Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello.”

There is some definite chemistry. Or trickery. And a random band? (Wait, what?) Basically, they rock the song, and Jessie suggests that they do this more often, like, on Friday night. Say no Rachel! Just say no!

Speaking of dates, Brittany and Santana are on one. Gossiping. About hot guys and how Finn should be dating someone like them instead of someone like Rachel. Finn, of course, is right across from them, a little confused. He leaves without finishing his meal, because aside from them gossiping like he’s not there, they’re also bitchy. But lo, all is not a complete loss. Brittany shares with us yet another piece of her never-ending wisdom: “Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?”

We love you Brittany, even if you work for the enemy.

And holy crap, look! Another date. This one, starring Will and Emma, is going swimmingly. They’re slow dancing to “Hello Again” by Neil Diamond and Will is singing to her.

And we all fall into a respectful, yet giddy silence for a Will/Emma make-out session, which we’ve been waiting for since forever. Emma stops him though, not because she’s being OCD, but because she’s not only mentally ill, she’s also a virgin. Emma freaks out a bit, but Will lies and says he understands and they sit down to watch one of the only movies that Terri left behind: Jerry Bruckheimer masterpiece Armageddon.

Next day, Finn approaches Rachel about dating, because he wants her now. Rachel, however, has Jessie. (Bad Rachel!) Rachel is convinced that this “Romeo and Juliet romance” won’t be a problem. Finn is righteously suspicious. So he rats her out to Will.

Will arrives at the Vocal Adrenaline practice, where he catches their rendition of AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell.” Shelby, the director (played by the amazing Indina Menzel), brings one image to mind: a Sue Sylvester of Glee directing, except not a sharp and hell-bent on Will’s destruction. [Ed. Note: Also she looks like Rachel's MILF mom.]

Or is she? Anyway, Will confronts her about Rachel and Jessie. She takes it fine, and suddenly…

BAD WILL. VERY BAD WILL.

Will stops Shelby as she’s trying to strip off his shirt. He makes her coffee and they sit down for a nice chat. Shelby is somewhat confused when she hears that Will isn’t exactly divorced and somewhat dating Emma. Will aptly puts it as, “I’m kind of a mess.” Here I had a déjà vu moment, because Shelby gives him the same advice that Will gave Finn, which makes me wonder if Schue is stupid. Anyway, Shelby gives him her number for when he gets things sorted out.

Still. Bad Will.

Rachel is confronted by Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, and Artie about Jessie. Rachel attempts to smooth things over, but fails. Mercedes, who is the queen of telling people what needs to be said [Ed. Note: Mercedes is the show's token Sassy Black Girl Who Tells It Like It Is.], tells Rachel, “We’re a team. And all you’ve ever wanted if for us to be great and be apart of something special. Now is that still true, or not?”

Go Mercedes.

Meanwhile, Sue tries to brainwash Rachel with the classic “Old Maid’s Club” tick. This is a club she invented just now for lonely, unlovable girls who can’t find a man. Don’t listen to her Rachel!

Oh, and Emma is setting up a suprise for Will when HOLY CRAP Terry walks in. They get into a little verbal catfight and Terry tells Emma that the song Will chose was their prom song.

…hate you Terry.

Rachel goes to visit Jessie at the Vocal Adrenaline stage to confront him about the truth of his intentions. Sly snake that he is, Jessie reintroduces himself as “Jessie, the guy who’s nuts about you; the guy who would never hurt you.” Rachel tells him that no one can know.

Don’t listen to him Rachel!

See that? That there. He’s looking at his coach. Who set this up. See? Bad Rachel.

Will is in Emma’s office, to talk about the perfect dinner table that she had set up. Emma tells him that Terry came by. That girl is way too smart for her own good. She tells Will the same thing that Shelby told him, which was the same thing that Will told Finn way back at the beginning of the episode. Am I detecting a pattern here?

Will and Emma break it off, but they do leave the door open. Emma sits down and cries.

Rachel tells Finn that she ended it with Jessie. But what’s this? Finn wants to be with Rachel! Rachel is speechless and then says she can’t. Finn says, “Woah, I’m not just some guy that you met at a music store that you can just blow off. I don’t give up that easy.” My, how the tables have turned.

As the ending song, New Directions present “Hello, Goodbye” from the Beatles while Emma watches will from the balcony of the auditorium. The Rachel and Finn chemistry has turned emotionally fraught.

See? Clearly a face tormented by emotional conflict. The song ends, and Rachel runs off stage.

Next Week: Glee travels back in time when Sue understudied for Madonna. Speaking of which, after the show they aired this piece of genius:

]]> http://www.theyetionline.com/entertainment-culture/tv/glee-s01e14-say-hello-drama/feed/ 0 http://www.theyetionline.com/views/the-yeti-blog/we-have-to-move-the-cake/ http://www.theyetionline.com/views/the-yeti-blog/we-have-to-move-the-cake/#comments Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:00:59 +0000 Andy http://www.theyetionline.com/?p=1826

Andy: We’re about to start @theyetiblog’s livetweeting of the Oscars! @FSUYeti will be joining in the tweeting in about a half hour.   7:51 PM Mar 7th

Andy: As for your friendly neighborhood Yetiblogger, we will brb after we RUUUUUUUUNNNN to get a bunch of alcohol, because seriously, necessary.   7:52 PM Mar 7th [Ed. Note: Always drink responsibly.]

Andy: Taylor Lautner is there, wearing a shirt! #weird   8:27 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Here go the Oscars…   8:30 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Is it starting? OK it’s starting. Livetweets, AWAAAYYY!!!   8:31 PM Mar 7th

Ian: NPH’s jacket is going to give me a stroke   8:32 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Is Neil Patrick Harris the only person in Hollywood who’s allowed to sing at awards shows?   8:33 PM Mar 7th

Ian: haha Meryl Streep holds the record for most losses   8:36 PM Mar 7th [Ed. Note: Co-host Steve Martin made a joke about thinking of having the most Oscar nominations as having the most Oscar losses.]

Andy: Is it weird that the title “Dame” always makes me think of Lady Pimps?   8:38 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy no… no it is not   8:39 PM Mar 7th

Ian: George Clooney didn’t want to be mentioned… I can tell   8:41 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Penelope Cruz doesn’t believe in milking humanity’s innate sadism for the sake of comedy. BOO!!!   8:45 PM Mar 7th

Ian: These montages for the nominees seem a bit excessive.   8:45 PM Mar 7th

[Christoph Waltz of the Quentin Tarantino film Inglorious Basterds wins Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.]

Ian: Shocker… Waltz was awesome in “IB”8:48 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Duh times duh divided by duh to the duh power.   8:49 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Christoph Waltz should get another Oscar for fitting an entire Victorian novel into a thirty-second award acceptance speech.   8:50 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Ryan Reynolds at the oscars? Who let him in?   8:50 PM Mar 7th

Andy: No one should ever let Ryan Reynolds speak seriously about anything.   8:51 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Was that [montage] for the blind side or sandra bullock?   8:52 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Hey! It’s Michael Scott!   8:55 PM Mar 7th

[The nominees for Best Animated Feature are announced.]

Ian: WOOOO MR FOX   8:56 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Shocker. Well, George Clooney, you had the most sultry voiceover, if that helps8:59 PM Mar 7th

Andy: (Duh + Durr)/Doi^Nodoi   9:01 PM Mar 7th [Ed. Note: The Yeti believes in recycling, for the environment. Jokes count! (No they don't.)]

[Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried present the nominees for Best Song.]

Andy: Miley Cyrus is TALL!   9:01 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Doesn’t Randy Newman have like, 12 oscars from the Toy Story songs already?   9:02 PM Mar 7th

[T-Bone Burnett wins for "The Weary Kind" from the film Crazy Heart.]

Andy: Does T-Bone Burnett even have eyes behind those sunglasses?   9:04 PM Mar 7th

Ian: These original screenplay clips are awesome   9:14 PM Mar 7th

[Now there's big John Hughes tribute. RIP John Hughes.]

Andy: Did John Hughes ever win any Oscars?   9:18 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Macaulay (sp?) Culkin? Where’s the scream that made you famous!?!?   9:22 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Kristen Stewart was REALLY moved by that John Hughes tribute. Or maybe that’s just her face.   9:24 PM Mar 7th

Andy: I can understand why Zoe Saldana would want to show off her incredible legs, but that dress is DISGUSTING. #didntwatchtheredcarpet   9:29 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Who’s the lady who pulled a Kanye on this guy’s speech?   9:35 PM Mar 7th [This was Elinor Burkett, producer of the Oscar-winning Documentary Short "Music By Prudence". You can read about the incident here.]

[Ben Stiller comes out to present the award for Best Makeup dressed as a Na'vi, from Avatar.]

Ian: hahahahahahaha ben stiller is awesome   9:38 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Blue Steel!   9:38 PM Mar 7th

Andy: I like that Jeff Bridges introduced the Coen Bros movie montage. The Dude abides, after all.   9:44 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Well they probably paid him with a new rug   9:47 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Are any moviemakers insulted by the commercial about tobacco product placement in movies?   9:47 PM Mar 7th

[Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire wins Best Adapted Screenplay.]

Andy: So Precious gets this one and Mo’Nique’s Best Supporting Actress. That’s ok. Maybe I should see Precious after all.   9:53 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy I didn’t see In the Loop, but I feel like any movie that makes a story based on a person, instead of another story, should win   9:56 PM Mar 7th

[Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress for her role in Precious.]

Ian: Based on that clip alone, yeah, she deserved it   9:59 PM Mar 7th

Andy: What exactly are the politics of the Best Supporting Actress Oscars? It’s not like they nominated Sigourney Weaver.   10:03 PM Mar 7th [Seriously, what decade is it, Mo'Nique?]

[Avatar wins an Oscar, for some technical category or something.]

Andy: And so begins Avatar’s steamrolling of all of the rest of the Oscars. Prepare yourself.   10:07 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Why is Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress trying to strangle her! Someone help Sarah Jessica Parker! #didntwatchtheredcarpet   10:10 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Time for 4 or 5 awards no one cares about…   10:11 PM Mar 7th

[Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart introduce a montage tribute to horror movies.]

Andy: Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart: THE FACES OF FEAR   10:19 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Haha Dusk til Dawn clip in horror movie montage… I’m still angry that they became vampires in what was becoming an awesome movie   10:22 PM Mar 7th

[The awards for Best Sound Editing and Best Sound Mixing are presented.]

Ian: Hurt Locker has to win this… BOOOOOOM!   10:25 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Called it!   10:25 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian Please God let this be foreshadowing of the Best Picture award.   10:26 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Hurt Locker again….   10:26 PM Mar 7th

Ian: WOO! 2 for 2   10:27 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy I’m rooting for Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, or for the first time, a movie wins sans-nomination: Fantastic Mr. Fox   10:29 PM Mar 7th

[Avatar wins for Best Cinematography, which was ridiculous considering it was pretty much 100% green screen CGI bells & whistles.]

Andy: Thanking a visionary for his amazing vision, like an asshole. Sorry Mauro Fiore, it’s not really you I’m angry at.   10:37 PM Mar 7th

Andy: James Taylor is not Paul McCartney. #sad   10:39 PM Mar 7th

Ian: James Taylor is still alive? I figured he died of OD back in the day   10:39 PM Mar 7th

Andy: RT @dumase I hate memorial montages, how the applause varies. Yeah some of them were more famous but they’re all DEAD so be respectful.   10:40 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Michael Jackson was in like, 1 1/2 movie, dammit!   10:41 PM Mar 7th

Ian: No disrespect to MJ, but give him his dues at the Grammies. That spot could have gone to someone who was primarily in movies   10:42 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian The video for Thriller is better than 75% of all movies.   10:44 PM Mar 7th

[An interpretive dance troupe interpretively dances to the music from the nominees for Best Score.]

Andy: No, Academy Awards. No.   10:46 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Breakdancing at the oscars? I guess I HAVE seen everything… Except a man eat his own head   10:48 PM Mar 7th

Andy: That’s not how you dance to the Fantastic Mr. Fox music. #urdoinitwrong   10:49 PM Mar 7th

Ian: HAHAHA this guy is awesome at the robot   10:49 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Know why avatar is going to win this category? Because the song even SOUNDS like victory   10:51 PM Mar 7th

Andy: I AM GLAD AVATAR LOST! #schadenfreude   10:53 PM Mar 7th

[Best Visual Effects Oscar nominees are introduced.]

Ian: I guess whoever was best at making aliens will win this one   10:54 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Avatar wins the one award it actually deserved! Yay Avatar, way to go!   10:56 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Could we talk for a minute about how the premise of Up In the Air is patently ridiculous?   10:57 PM Mar 7th

Ian: While Hurt Locker does deserve every nomination and win, maybe it’s dumb producers shouldn’t have been banned from the show   10:59 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Screenwriter ZING! Courtesy of your host, Alec Baldwin.   11:01 PM Mar 7th

Ian: I heard a lot of good things about the cove. Rootin’ for it11:02 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian It was only the one [producer of The Hurt Locker] that got banned, he talked shit about Avatar in an email to Academy members or something.11:02 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Tonight is a triumph for dolphin murder. #what?#sorryeveryone   11:05 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Booooo Tyler Perryyyyyy.   11:06 PM Mar 7th

Andy: “TEXT DOLPHIN TO 44144 FOR FREE DOLPHIN WALLPAPERS AND RINGTONES” -Bryan, friend of The Yeti   11:07 PM Mar 7th

Ian: When is Inglorious Basterds going to get its recognition?!? It has to win SOMEthing   11:08 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian Best Supporting Actor. That’s all you can expect for a Tarantino film.   11:09 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Well I’m still angry Brad Pitt didn’t get nominated   11:11 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Finally, it’s time for all the really good awards   11:18 PM Mar 7th

Ian: “Will it be Avatar, Hurt Locker, Blind Side, or is a surprise in store?” I’m not too happy that they made 10 noms and only give 3 credit   11:21 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Let’s go, Jeremy Renner   11:24 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Whenever anyone talks about a guy’s “massive talent” I always and invariably assume they’re talking about his dick. #trufax   11:29 PM Mar 7th

Andy: This is payback for snubbing The Big Lebowski. #thedudeabides   11:33 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Ya know what, I’m okay with this. Jeff Bridges is the coolest (and only) “dude” in the room   11:33 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Sandra Bullock, let’s do this.   11:41 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Would Helen Mirren be the first actor to win twice in a row?   11:43 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Helen Mirren: still a total fox at 64.   11:43 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Agreed.   11:44 PM Mar 7th

Andy: If Oprah EVER said ANYTHING about me, I would burst into tears. If it was something nice, I’d pee my pants.   11:46 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Seriously Oscars, are there to be ZERO upsets? I mean REALLY! #finallydrunk   11:49 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Anyone else see Meryl Streep like “Go on, git it!” to Sandra Bullock?   11:49 PM Mar 7th

Andy: George Clooney threw Sandra Bullock into a pool? Wish I’d been at that party.   11:51 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Sandra Bullock – will you marry me? Sincerely, IPT   11:51 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Best Actor and Actress winners get too much time to talk. #populism?   11:53 PM Mar 7th

Andy: There’s never been a black Best Director winner? Really? 2010? FAIL.   11:54 PM Mar 7th

Andy: BOOSH! HURT LOCKER FOR THE WIN!!!   11:55 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Katheryn Bigelow, congrats. That movie was the best I’ve seen in ages.   11:55 PM Mar 7th

Andy: James Cameron looks pissed. FUCK YOU, JAMES CAMERON!!!   11:58 PM Mar 7th

Ian: What kind of a title is “Academy Governor?”   11:58 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Woah – Tom Hanks, you came outta nowhere with that!   11:59 PM Mar 7th

Ian: See 3 tweets previous.   12:00 AM Mar 8th

Andy: Hurt Locker won Best Picture YAAAAAYYY! Cheer up James Cameron, you are a multi-millionaire.   12:00 AM Mar 8th

Andy: “THIS WIN MAKES UP FOR THE INTERPRETIVE DANCING (No it doesnt)” -Camille, friend of The Yeti   12:01 AM Mar 8th

Andy: Well that ended extremely abruptly–just the way we like it! If only the rest of the presentations could have followed Tom Hanks’ example.   12:04 AM Mar 8th

Andy: Thank you and good night everyone! The Yeti loves you!   12:04 AM Mar 8th

Ian: Well all, it’s been fun, but here ends my Oscar livetweet coverage. Thanks to Andy for backing me up, and follow me @IanPT89. & thanks to…   12:07 AM Mar 8th

Well that was The Yeti’s coverage of the Oscars! The Hurt Locker beat out Avatar in every category they competed for, I think, which means sexism is over, hooray! nothing, really. Oh well. See you next year, Oscars!

image via knightnews.com

Before even stepping foot in any NFL stadium or combine, Tim Tebow is already making a bad first impression on the league. But is he untouchable? He is, after all, still in college.

Ah, Super Sunday. No one loves it more than I do, even if my team is watching from home this year. What could ruin such a special day? Someone trying to preach to you about the gift of life, that’s what. These people refer to themselves as “pro-life,” but I call them “anti-abortion.” The other way makes its opposing party seem to be pro-death, a willful distortion on the part of anti-abortion advocates.

Somewhat-overrated college football star Tim Tebow came on screen Super Sunday with momma ‘Bow to tell the story about how she was advised during her pregnancy to abort the future Heisman-winner because of serious medical concerns. Surprisingly enough, the commercial didn’t even drop the a-bomb, and except for the sight of Timmy’s face, wasn’t too insulting.

Funded by the conservative evangelical group Focus On The Family, the commercial was thirty seconds long and cost a reported three million dollars. CBS has faced criticism for agreeing to show the ad, as it rightly should have.

I’m not saying commercials must or should be crass and involve bikinis and beer, but frankly, the Super Bowl is like polite conversation: no religion or politics. Tebow broke both rules.

At The University of Florida, student-athletes must abide by a set of guidelines as determined by the university, as they must at any other school. According to the UF Student-Athlete agreement:

A student-athlete shall not be eligible for participation in intercollegiate athletics if the individual accepts any renumeration for or permits the use of his or her name or picture to advertise, recommend or promote directly the sale or use of a commercial product or service of any kind.

But Tim Tebow is no longer a participating student-athlete since his pitiful performance at the Senior Bowl (with only fifty passing yards), so does this apply to him? In this writer’s opinion, yes, yes it does. He will probably be attending his alma mater’s Pro Day and (former?) Coach Urban Meyer will surely be spanking his prodigy’s buns as he crosses the white lines for the NFL combine.

Also, let’s consider that Tim Tebow has gotten a lot of screen time over the past three years, and is currently just about the most high-profile representative of his university.

It’s too much to ask for more than a week without hearing about Tebow, and even though he’s a known pushy evangelical, I wonder if he just couldn’t handle the minimal time out of the limelight.

And so, Judgment came sandwiched between beer commercials on Sunday, but it was nice to remember that there’s only one city in the whole country that likes hearing from this particular spokesman, and they live in a self-proclaimed “Swamp.”

Life goes on, but Tebow’s career probably won’t. I for one take some solace in that.

]]> http://www.theyetionline.com/views/opinions/gator-golden-boy-steps-on-pro-choice-toes-with-controversial-superbowl-ad/feed/ 0 http://www.theyetionline.com/views/the-yeti-blog/womens-last-stand-superbowl-dodge-commercial-spoof/ http://www.theyetionline.com/views/the-yeti-blog/womens-last-stand-superbowl-dodge-commercial-spoof/#comments Fri, 19 Feb 2010 21:00:25 +0000 Andy http://www.theyetionline.com/?p=1673

A lot of people raised objections to a new Dodge Charger commercial when it premiered during the Superbowl, mostly along the lines of “it’s tacky, misogynistic, and lame.” So, inevitably, someone made a spoof of it to post on the internet. Here is that spoof, a “rebuttal” from the female perspective. And it’s, um, PERFECT. Seriously, if it was a real ad, I would buy whatever it was selling for my mom (she’s a third-wave feminist).

(via Alex Blaggazine)

[Ed. Note--Our managing editor Felicite Fallon will also be doing The Yeti's recaps of the final season of that show we're all obsessed with, LOST. This is last week's episode, published as a refresher for tonight's shiny new mind explosion extravaganza. Spoiler Alert! (Duh)]

Firstly, a big thank-you to the writers for letting me know up front what I’m in for–right from the outset, I know that any episode titled “What Kate Does” means that my give-a-shit meter is going to be at about 50 percent for the next hour and I can adjust my recapping accordingly. Kate-centric episodes are usually a good timeslot for me to file paystubs or reorganize my spice cabinet, but I will say that this one is pretty solid on the whole.

I have this theory that Jack and Kate are annoying proportional to one another. Like, when Jack is being caring, resourceful and brave as opposed to braindead, that means Kate is going to make me yell at my TV, raise my blood pressure to dangerously high levels, and just be a waste of fictional human life in general. And vice versa—when Kate is up, Jack is down. Sometimes, when they’ve teamed up to be Saints Jack and Kate, handing down orders for the commoners from on high, their insufferability is exactly matched and you can hear birds harmonizing in a perfect fifth.

Well, tonight was not Kate’s moment to shine, but Jack sure came out of this looking squeaky clean for someone who was ready to stand by and let a 12 year old bleed to death.

In the “flash sideways” scenes, Kate abducts Claire’s taxi and forces the cab driver to run over Arzt’s luggage, which is strewn all over the road out in front of the airport. This is why you pack lightly, people—not only will it save you excess baggage fees, but you also won’t have the problem of armed convicts running over your electric toothbrush and palm pilot and whatever other junk Arzt was dragging around. Everyone had palm pilots in 2004, right?

At a red light, the taxi driver hightails it and Claire repeatedly begs for Kate to let her go, which Kate reluctantly does after first demanding Claire hand over her purse. This had better not lead to any tiresome shenanigans where Kate poses as Claire to cover her tracks, because the less said about the last time I had to see Kate in a blonde wig, the better.  I understand this show probably goes absurdly over budget every week, but they couldn’t have allocated more than a fourth grader’s allowance to buy a wig from Sally’s for that episode? But, OK, I understand, it was a long time ago and it’s time for me to let go.

Claire begs for her suitcase, but cold hard Kate sends her on her way empty handed, leaving Claire sobbing by the side of the road. Making Claire cry should be illegal. But well, I guess that still wouldn’t be much of a deterrent for Kate.

Next stop is the greasy auto shop, where Kate gets a mechanic to remove her handcuffs and asks for a place to change but curiously does not ask him to change her plates, which would seem to be a priority. Maybe she doesn’t think she’ll attract any attention driving a stolen taxi. After all, I’ve met ever so many gorgeous, young, female taxi drivers in my day. Perfect disguise.

Kate opens up Claire’s duffel bag and finds an impossibly cute “Myspace ho” style Polaroid of Claire pointing excitedly to her pregnant belly and a big cuddly-looking orca stuffed animal. Kate’s “well, shit” expression here is pretty classic, one of my favorite parts of this episode.

So she drives her Big Yellow Taxi back to where she dropped Claire off and Claire is kind of just sheepishly standing there. Kate gives her back her purse and offers her a ride to her next destination, which seems a little outlandish. This woman is an escaped convict who was pointing a gun at your head just minutes ago. MINUTES! But it seems that no one watches Law and Order: SVU in Australia, because she accepts Kate’s offer and they drive to the home of the couple who is supposed to be taking Claire’s baby.

But oh no! The woman’s husband just left her and she can’t take the baby anymore. I would think that would at least merit a quick phone call or a page or however people communicated in those dark pre-iPhone days, and Kate says basically the same thing, but then Claire interrupts Kate’s moral superiority party with her stupid contractions and it’s off to the hospital! Away!

At the hospital, Claire is wigging, and Kate yanks good Dr. Ethan away from whatever he was doing to see her. [Ed. Note: Ethan whose name is somehow GOODSPEED now??? WHAT??? That’s Horace’s name, not Ethan’s! WE HAVE TO MOVE THE SURNAMES!!!] Now, I’m not sure how hospital protocol works exactly, but I thought Ethan was a surgeon—so what was he doing in the maternity ward anyway? And why would he be taking care of Claire? But maybe this is more alternate timeline weirdness. For now I think we should go with “alternate timeline weirdness” rather than “plot contrivance,” because we’ve already had a few too many of those this episode and this would be a big one if it is. [Ed. Note—Probably is, though.]

Ethan tells her she can have her baby now or in two weeks, when the baby is supposed to be due, and Claire opts to wait. After Ethan leaves, two detectives pop in seeking information about Kate’s whereabouts, and Claire covers while Kate hides. Ugh. I am really not looking forward to following this wearisome albatross of a storyline again for the next couple weeks. I was absolutely ecstatic when the case was finally brought to trial and settled so I wouldn’t have to fidget through any more unengaging, emotionally uninvolving and unconvincing episodes of Kate as a fugitive, [Ed. Note—We only suspend so much disbelief.] and now here it is, back again. It’s like flunking organic chemistry and having to retake it with an even worse teacher.

When the detectives leave, Claire asks Kate what she did, and Kate asks if Claire would believe her if she said she was innocent. Sounds like that might be one of the things that changed in this reality, which actually might make the Kate on the run storyline even less gripping if she’s just doing this for completely noble reasons like covering for someone else or something. [Ed. Note—It’s especially funny because whatever Kate is or isn’t innocent of originally, she is definitely guilty of hijacking a taxi cab at gunpoint.] Claire, continuing her Virgin Mary-esque (yeah, duh) generosity streak, gives Kate her credit card to help her along, and Kate advises her to keep the baby, whom Claire named Aaron spontaneously in a moment of panic for his safety.

Island reality: Sayid is alive, and the reaction is mixed. Jack is overjoyed, Dogen (bearded Asian guy) is suspicious and Sawyer’s give-a-shit meter is rattling around zero—he fires a gun at the group and makes a typical Sawyer exit full of cowboy loner bravado, telling Kate directly not to come after him. He should know by now that this is like inviting her to follow a trail of breadcrumbs to a tasty gingerbread cottage.

"Don't come after me."

(I am so totally coming after you.)

So naturally, as soon as he’s gone, Kate volunteers to retrieve Sawyer, saying she can get him to come back. [Ed. Note—“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”] Aldo (Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) is skeptical, and demands to accompany her, as do Jin and some other Other.

Jack and Kate share a “nice” goodbye moment, and then against Jack’s better judgment, Sayid is led off to be tortured by Dogen for reasons as yet obscure to us, but the Others’ judgment is backed up by guns so they win. Then, Sayid is tortured. Sigh. I must say I am getting mighty tired of seeing characters on this show writhe around in untold pain. There must be other ways to ratchet up the dramatic tension and I urge you to explore them, writers. Also I am squeamish and please stop what are you doing with the poker oh god stop I’ll tell you everything! [Ed. Note—Also, the irony of the torturer being tortured has already been done, and that episode was great, so please stop peeing on it, Lost writers.]

Their tactics are less effective on Sayid, however, especially since they don’t ask him any questions. Lennon (the guy from Me, You and Everyone We Know with the round glasses) tells him it was a test, and he passed, but after Sayid is gone, he asks Dogen if he lied to him, and Dogen is like, “Yup.”

Jack goes in to have a chat with Dogen about this whole torture business, and let me stop here for a second because my heart is just bursting with pride. He doesn’t throw any punches, he doesn’t shout or breathe heavily through his nostrils, and he takes time to actually hear what other people are saying. Jack is now almost as mature as most five year olds! You are getting a gold star on this week’s progress report for sure, mister!

Dogen tells Jack that Sayid is “infected,” and wants Jack to give Sayid some echinacea to cure him, which will only be effective if Sayid takes it willingly.

Seriously, if that is not echinacea, then I don't even know what's real anymore

Jack: “I’m not going to give anything to Sayid unless I know what’s in it.”

Dogen: “This is your chance to redeem yourself.”

Jack: “OK, I will give this to Sayid without knowing what’s in it.”

Jack goes back to Sayid but is conflicted, especially when Sayid expresses complete trust in whatever decision Jack comes to. Jack has had quite enough of taking things on faith Season One Locke style, so he goes back to Dogen and demands to know what’s in the pill, and when Dogen refuses to tell him, he swallows it. Dogen forces him to spit it back up and admits that it’s poison. Whoops! Well, better Jack than Sayid. Not even—no, especially if it’s really Zombie Sayid, which some fans have been speculating. Sayid is already a badass, so just imagine the badass potential of a Zombie Sayid. The whole eating brains thing might get in the way of Sayid’s trademark eloquence and winningly genteel personality, but I think we could all use of break from watching everyone wave guns around, so I’m for it.

Dogen makes tea for Jack, tells him he’s afraid that Sayid has been “claimed,” and that everything that was Sayid will soon be gone. This calls to mind the “sickness” that befell Rousseau’s other scientist friends. Hmm.

[Ed. Note—He also says it’s what happened to Jack’s “sister,” who we know is Claire from way back, (guessed it way back in Season Two, boo yah) which isn’t convincingly ominous for me because all Claire did was hang out in a cabin with her dad’s ghost. Not really that terrible a deal if you ask me. Can I get “claimed,” please?]

Meanwhile, in the woods, Aldo/Mac is still skeptical of Kate’s tracking abilities, for no real reason. The more Kate asserts her authority, the more aggressive he gets, like the aggro bro he is, until finally she springs one of Rousseau’s old traps and knocks both of the others out. I guess that’s why he was suspicious. Am I expecting sweet relief from annoying characters I don’t really care about? Nope, Kate’s still here. She’s a huge bitch to Jin, who wants to go find Sun, for no reason, and then she takes off to go find Sawyer.

When she does find him, it’s naturally at the worst possible moment. Sawyer is sharing a private moment in the bedroom of the house he shared with Juliet with a shoebox he buried underneath the floorboards, because of course he is. Kate tries to slink away unseen but Sawyer catches her. She follows him out to the dock, where he contemplates the engagement ring he was going to give Juliet. He blames himself for her death because he convinced her to stay on the island, which I think is a bit of a stretch even for the perpetually guilt-ridden characters on this show, [Ed. Note—Seriously, it’s like it’s always someone else’s fault and no one ever makes their own decisions or is responsible for their own desti-MIND EXPLOSION] but this is a lovely scene so I’ll let it slide. After Sawyer leaves, Kate begins to weep, and the icicles around my cold metal heart melt a little for her.

While Jin is drinking some water from a stream, Aldo/Mac and the other Other stop by for a cordial revenge beating. Just as Aldo/Mac is really getting warmed up, however, they are both shot. My favorite thing about this show is that you know any and all deeply annoying minor characters will be swiftly and satisfyingly dispatched. Farewell, Aldo/Mac! And OMGCLIFFHANGERENDING!!! The shooter is Claire, who emerges from the bushes in desperate need of deep hair conditioning.

]]> http://www.theyetionline.com/entertainment-culture/tv/lost-s06e03-what-kate-does-is-annoying/feed/ 1 http://www.theyetionline.com/entertainment-culture/tv/chuck-s03e07-chuck-versus-the-mask/ http://www.theyetionline.com/entertainment-culture/tv/chuck-s03e07-chuck-versus-the-mask/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:00:12 +0000 Andy http://www.theyetionline.com/?p=1665

All images © NBC

[Ed. Note--Xavier, one of our awesome interns, will be writing recaps of Chuck for The Yeti. SPOILER ALERT, duh.]

The episode begins with someone breaking into a vault, to steal something.

It’s a mask.

But before the thief steals the mask, the support beam holding the thief’s harness begins to come loose and one of the screws falls out

The thief tries to grab the screw before it drops to the ground but barely misses it.

The screw falls to the floor and sets off the security system. The thief tries to escape through the hole in the ceiling, but the doors close and the thief is stuck.

The thief takes off his mask and reveals himself to be CIA agent Daniel Shaw. He calls Casey and the others to get him out of the vault.

Back in the Buy More, Hannah wants Chuck to be her mentor. They banter back and forth and Chuck finally agrees to let Hannah ride shotgun on the next install he has to do. In the distance, Sarah walks into the store and Chuck tells Hannah he will be right back. Sarah informs Chuck about Shaw’s predicament while Hannah watches from the background. Morgan appears behind Hannah and she asks him who Chuck is talking to.

Morgan says that is Chuck’s ex, Sarah. Chuck returns to the Nerd Herd booth to grab his bag and runs out saying, “Gotta run, Nerd Herd emergency!”

A baffled Morgan replies, “What the, I didn’t get the call… I would know… I’m the boss…”

Hannah follows Chuck out of the Buy More too, unbeknownst to Chuck.

Chuck arrives at an art museum (which looks alarmingly like the Command Center from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. Turns out both shows used the House of the Book as an exterior shot. The more you know!)

From Chuck:

From MMPR

When Chuck goes inside, Casey informs him about his mission- to restart the museum’s computer server before the room where Shaw is trapped runs out of oxygen. Chuck is hesitant, saying the museum isn’t just going to let him waltz onto their server when Casey reveals to Chuck he crashed it.

Chuck reaches the computer room and is greeted by the curator.

The curator is freaking out about the computer’s lockdown, because the computers control everything in the museum. If they stop working the art could be damaged due to the temperature changes normally controlled by the computer.

Meanwhile, Sarah and Casey go above the room Shaw is in to try and open it manually from above.

Casey wants to blow the door open but Sarah says the blast could hurt Shaw.

Back in the computer room, Hannah shows up.

“Surprise!” The two get to work on resetting the server.

Running out of air, Shaw tells Sarah and Casey to just blow the door open.

“No don’t!”

“Don’t do that…computer. I talk to them because sometimes I feel like it helps,” Chuck says as the curator and Hannah look at him strangely. They reboot the server and Shaw is lifted to safety. Chuck and Hannah embrace each other, excited about their successful outcome. The curator is so impressed with their work that he tells them about the art exhibit opening the following evening. Chuck begins to decline the invitation but the curator informs them it is not an invitation but a job opening. The curator wants to hire Chuck and Hannah to make sure no more bugs or computer mishaps occur during the unveiling of the Mask of Alexander (the artifact Shaw was trying to steal). Shaw tells Chuck to take the job so the group can go back in under cover and steal the mask.

After the opening credits, Shaw brings Sarah a cup of coffee, hinting at a potential romance between the two. [Ed. Note--These are not your grandparents' sexual innuendos!] Sarah is reluctant to Shaw’s advance thus far. Chuck and Casey enter the fort and Shaw briefs everyone about the mask. He believes the Ring are using said mask and other stolen artifacts to smuggle items throughout the world, since artifacts “do not have to go through a screening process” (this is TV, after all). Shaw then assigns everyone roles for the upcoming mission: Chuck is in the computer room as noted already, Casey is on surveillance duty, and Sarah and Shaw will be people attending the art opening as guests, posing as a couple.

Morgan and Ellie meet at Ellie’s place.

Morgan believes that Chuck’s new erratic behavior is a way of protecting them. Ellie is skeptical but Morgan brings up “the dark place,” referring to Chuck after one of his other exes broke up with him.

Next we get a sequence that weaves through Chuck and Hannah preparing for their mission in the computer room of the museum to Shaw and Sarah’s preparations, first posing as guests and then going in to steal the mask while replacing it with a decoy.

While in the computer room, Hannah reveals that she has feelings for Chuck and then moves in for the kill

Bow chicka wow wow!

Hannah stops though, because she sees Sarah on the security monitor for the lobby of the museum.

Hannah confronts Chuck about Sarah and asks about their relationship. Chuck says it is completely over. Hannah is curious to know what reasons Sarah would have to be at the museum other than to make Chuck jealous with the date she brought (Shaw). Chuck looks over at the security monitor again and has a flash when he sees this guy:

Chuck rushes out of the computer room and into the lobby. He tells Sarah and Shaw about The Ring agent he flashed on, Vassilis. Shaw says they have to abort the mission because he and Vassilis have a history. When Sarah asks if Shaw is sure Vassilis would remember him, Shaw says, “You tend to remember the guy who set your face on fire.” Shaw withdraws himself from the mission to not get the group’s cover blown. Chuck and Sarah go back to the room from earlier where Casey and Sarah tried to rescue Shaw. During that whole time, Hannah watched the group’s conversation and saw Chuck run off with Sarah, leading her to believe there is still something going on between them.

Chuck sends a bug into the computer system to keep Hannah busy while he and Sarah try to steal the mask. The curator starts berating Hannah about the whole thing as she tries to fix the problem. While in the room above the vault, Chuck hoists Sarah down into the vault so she can steal the mask and put in the decoy. While holding Sarah, Chuck is attacked by one of Vassilis’ henchmen, which sends him into the vault and Sarah back up. As the clock moves closer and closer to 8 PM, when the mask is supposed to be unveiled, Hannah works harder to fix the problem so the vault will open. From the van outside, Casey and Shaw work to keep Hannah busy. Hannah proves to be adept at fixing bugs because she keeps trumping the problems that come her way.

Chuck is still trying to switch the masks..but the vault doors begin to open.

Shaw manages to close the doors using a back-door connection through Chuck’s laptop (the one Hannah is using to fix these problems). The crowd gathered outside the vault are now confused.

Chuck finally manages to switch the masks.

The team returns to Castle (the CIA base under the yogurt store), except for Chuck, who goes to talk to Hannah. She yells at him for leaving her alone on her first Nerd Herd assignment and is upset that he lied to her about he and Sarah not being “finished.” Chuck says that he and Sarah have a very “unique” relationship. Hannah is upset that she kissed Chuck and says from here on out they should just keep things professional.

The next morning Ellie and Morgan talk about the whole Chuck situation. Morgan thinks that instead of all the sneaking around they should just confront Chuck straight up and talk to him about it. Chuck interrupts the two and Morgan ends up chickening out on asking Chuck what he’s been doing lately.

Back in the museum, Vassilis watches the security tapes of what happened the previous night. He realizes he can get the mask back by using Hannah. Vassilis calls the Nerd Herd and asks them to send Hannah because the museum is still having computer problems.

Hannah arrives at the museum and meets with Vassilis. She asks where the curator is and Vassilis replies that he is “tied up” (isn’t wordplay FUN?) Vassilis lures Hannah into the vault, shuts the doors, and triggers the security system to the oxygen begins draining slowly. (Just like Shaw’s predicament earlier in the episode, callbacks HEY-OH!)

Vassilis calls the Nerd Herd again and tells Chuck to bring him the mask or Hannah dies. Morgan tries to approach Chuck about all this weird behavior but Chuck runs out to get to the museum. Morgan follows him into the home theatre room but Chuck has gone through a secret hatch in the floor that connects the Buy More to Castle.

In Castle, Sarah and Shaw are trying to figure out if the mask has anything in it when the discover a secret hatch at the bottom. A canister rolls out of it and goes off which fills the room with smoke.

The smoke is revealed to be a poison called clyclosarin. Chuck flashes on the name and discovers there is a cure that can be inhaled. Chuck and Casey head back to the museum to retrieve the counter agent while saving Hannah in the process. Chuck uses a smoke grenade on Vassilis and his men, since Vassilis doesn’t the original poison canister already went off.

Back in Castle, Shaw and Sarah have a RealTalk <3-to-<3.

Shaw wants to clear the air between them in case they don’t survive being poisoned and admits he has been making moves on Sarah. Sarah admits she has been overreacting to his advances and also admits she has enjoyed being hit on. The computer monitors indicate that the contamination has been contained. The poison is having more of an effect on Sarah, so Shaw carries her out of Castle and into a car where they head to the museum.

In the museum, Chuck presents the decoy mask to Vassilis and his men. Vassilis says that Hannah must die because The Ring is not so forgiving of Chuck stealing the mask. Chuck says he will deploy the weapon if they refuse to let Hannah free. Vassilis thinks Chuck is bluffing so Chuck drops the mask. The grenade goes off and Vassilis’ henchmen freak out, thinking they are poisoned. Vassilis says the counter agent is in one of the vases in the museum. Chuck flashes on the correct vase, since it was stolen, and uses it to knock out Vassilis.

Chuck heads to the computer room and releases Hannah before she runs out of oxygen. Sarah and Shaw arrive and Casey gives them the counter agent. Chuck runs into the vault to check on Hannah. She is happy to see Chuck and embraces him.

Back in Castle, Shaw thanks Chuck for his work. Shaw also tells Chuck that the team won’t always be together, and that Shaw, Casey, and Sarah were Chuck’s training wheels but it is apparent that Chuck will be able to ride solo soon.

Chuck is a little shocked at this revelation. As he is leaving Castle, Sarah talks to him to make sure he is alright. Chuck says he got used to everyone working as a team. Sarah says they aren’t going anywhere yet but the time is nearing. The two also talk about how each has a new romantic interest and both seem to be happy moving on.

Ellie meets Morgan at the Buy More late at night. Morgan notes that Chuck has been sneaking around somewhere in the store. They walk up to the home theatre room and both sneak a peak in.

They see Chuck, and he isn’t alone…

Ellie is thrilled about seeing Chuck with Hannah because it means he isn’t sulking over Sarah. Morgan is not so thrilled since he has feelings for Hannah.

Back in Castle, Shaw and Sarah’s relationship “begins to take shape.” Shaw begins giving Sarah a massage. She lets it happen, but notes, “We both know how dangerous this is”–referring to the fact that both of them had previously had relationships with their partners and both those partners had been killed in action.

The final scene shows Vassilis talking to The Ring.

Vassilis informs them that he saw Shaw at the museum and asks The Ring what they plan on doing. One of the members replies, “The same thing I’m going to do to you,” and then someone from the darkness emerges to kill Vassilis. The camera zooms out of the room and the episode ends.

Love was a prevalent theme in this episode, as it had a role in the budding romances of the episode–Chuck and Hannah, as well as Shaw and Sarah. The conversation towards the end of the episode between Chuck and Sarah was interesting, because it could mean they still have feelings for one another despite finding other love interests. The relationship between Morgan and Chuck is going to be interesting moving forward as well, since Morgan had a crush on Hannah, who is now with Chuck. Watching these relationships develop throughout the rest of the season should be fun.

One big looming question still remains: Who is The Ring? So far, we’ve only seen a shadowy board of figures that has problems with CIA agents. Thus far, we have no idea what their actual goal is. As the season unfolds, hopefully more and more about the Ring will become clear.

See you all next week!

]]> http://www.theyetionline.com/entertainment-culture/tv/chuck-s03e07-chuck-versus-the-mask/feed/ 0 http://www.theyetionline.com/entertainment-culture/tv/chuck-s03e06-chuck-versus-the-nacho-sampler/ http://www.theyetionline.com/entertainment-culture/tv/chuck-s03e06-chuck-versus-the-nacho-sampler/#comments Sun, 07 Feb 2010 15:00:32 +0000 Andy http://www.theyetionline.com/?p=1433

All images © NBC

[Ed. Note--Xavier, one of our awesome interns, will be writing recaps of Chuck for The Yeti. SPOILER ALERT, duh.]

This episode begins with a quick flash back to the pilot when Chuck and Sarah first meet each other.

Three years ago:

Present day:

Morgan asks Chuck what it was like meeting Sarah, asking if it was love at first sight. Morgan is lovesick for Buy More’s newest employee, Hannah.

Morgan walks off and Hannah talks to Chuck about working in the Nerd Herd.
Chuck tells her “Me safe, everyone else not safe.” I mean, would you want to work with/get hit on by these lovely fellows?

After more Chuck and Hannah small talk, Casey informs Chuck that it’s “yogurt time,” referencing the fact that across from the Buy More is a yogurt shop which houses a secret CIA facility underground. Chuck walks off, promising to give a confused Hannah a full tutorial of working in the Nerd Herd later.

Not your everyday backroom freezer to a yogurt store.

The briefing for Chuck’s latest mission takes place. General Beckman informs Chuck that he has to get to know Manoosh and ask him what he’s working on/why The Ring placed a large amount of money in his account. This is important because up until now, Chuck was always the asset and Sarah and Casey the handlers. Chuck finally gets to be the handler.

Chuck the spy? More like Chuck the cockblock.

Manoosh walks into the Buy More and starts talking to Hannah. Chuck interrupts the two, much to the dismay of Manoosh, who berates Chuck for “ruining the flow with that hottie.” After a brief conversation, Chuck hands Manoosh his business card and lets him walk out of the store with a computer hard-drive for the inconvenience he caused earlier with Hannah.

After the opening credits, Devon is lying on the couch and is startled when his wife Ellie puts some stuff down on the counter. Devon was recently brought along on one of Chuck’s missions unwillingly, and unbeknownst to Ellie. That’s why his behavior has been rash and erratic of late. Before Ellie can get any more information out of him, Devon rushes out of the house.

The next day Chuck is about to give Hannah the tutorial of the store when Casey informs him yet again that it’s “yogurt time” and Chuck leaves. Before he leaves the store though, Chuck asks Morgan to keep an eye on Hannah and prevent the other employees from creeping her out too much with their advances. Morgan invites Jeff and Lester into his comically small “office”—a transformed janitorial closet. Morgan informs them that he wants Hannah and wants the two of them to stalk her so he can get information on her to help win her over.

Chuck and Manoosh have dinner, and a little liquid confidence goes a long way. This conversation gets Manoosh to slowly open up to Chuck, but he never finishes explaining what he’s working on, just that it’s weapons-related. The Ring calls Manoosh and Chuck lets Sarah and Casey know (they are observing from a van on the street). Casey finds out The Ring is closing in so Sarah goes in close the deal. She flirts with Manoosh and ends up tranquilizing him so they can escape from the bar without The Ring finding them.

When Manoosh wakes up, he is in Sarah’s “room”—which is really a dressed-up room in the CIA chamber. Sarah tries to get him to talk about his weapons project again but he is too enamored with her. Who can blame him though? For a nerdy, awkward loner to wake up next to this, it would leave me speechless too:

He is tranquilized again. Poor kid.

The three watch him from the window and when Manoosh awakens he calls Chuck. They agree to meet in the Buy More so Chuck can give back the briefcase Manoosh left at the bar. Before heading to the store Chuck opens it, takes out the weapon Manoosh was working on and leaves it with Sarah and Casey.

When Chuck goes back to the store he’s confronted by Devon, who is having a hard time lying to Ellie about the spy stuff all the time. As fate would have it, Ellie walks into the store too. Devon hides behind one of the racks while Chuck talks to Ellie.

He tells her that he was in Paris on business and that he managed to find Devon and Ellie a place to stay for a week so they could have a real honeymoon. Chuck is unhappy about lying to his sister all the time, but he thinks her safety is a greater concern. As Michael Bluth would say, “Family first.”

Chuck returns Manoosh’s briefcase. Manoosh tells Chuck he’s going on a trip but when he returns, he wants to help Chuck out for being so nice to him, and that they should become business partners. The Ring calls Manoosh and he tells them he isn’t quite finished with the weapon yet. Chuck realizes that The Ring is going to hurt or possibly kill Manoosh so he rushes back to the yogurt store to get help. During that time The Ring operatives see Manoosh so he runs out the back door. They have him surrounded.

Casey manages to find a secret hatch on the weapon Manoosh gave them…

…but it turns out to just be shaving cream. Meanwhile Manoosh unleashes the real weapon on The Ring agents:

The sunglasses are a version of The Intersect, the same computer Chuck has in his brain. It allows the user to “flash” on information and temporarily gives them abilities they normally wouldn’t have. In this case, martial arts.

Guys…Manoosh knows kung-fu.

After Manoosh takes the guys out, he runs off. Sarah discovers he bought a plane ticket to Dubai. When Chuck asks why, Casey responds with:

Weap-Con. A spoof of Comic-con, where a bunch of weapons developers get together and showcase their stuff to people. Could be fun, right? Casey thinks so, and is elated that he can write the flight off as a business trip.

Meanwhile, Morgan is ready to pounce on Hannah and calls her into his office. With Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake” playing in the background (Hannah’s most played song on iTunes) Morgan strikes up a conversation about foreign films. Hannah talks about Chuck’s trip to Paris (which Morgan had no prior knowledge of) and Morgan rushes out of his office.

Of course, he has to step over the desk since his closet office is so small. Before walking out, Hannah asks Morgan why Chuck is always at the yogurt shop and Morgan says it’s because Chuck’s ex works there.

Welcome to Weap-Con.
The three look around and find Manoosh, who is about to give a presentation.

He starts talking about the weapon he created. He reveals to everyone that the weapon is just himself, which elicits laughter. Then he puts on the glasses and starts mocking the crowd. A group of guys gets up and easily handled.

Manoosh lets everyone know about the glasses and everyone wants to buy a pair. Backstage, Chuck confronts him about the glasses. Chuck reveals that he’s a CIA agent and Manoosh freaks out. He’s upset about being betrayed by Chuck and tries to run but soon he and Chuck’s crew are surrounded by The Ring.

Handcuffed to chairs now, Casey reveals his escape plan to Chuck and Sarah. Earlier on, Casey bought a laser pen and it is in Casey’s shirt pocket. Casey wants Chuck to grab it out with his mouth, much to Chuck’s dismay.

Chuck manages to get the handcuffs off with the laser pen and they all escape.

Meanwhile, Manoosh negotiates with The Ring. They tell him they no longer need him, so he steps on the glasses. The Ring are about to kill him when Sarah and Casey arrive. There’s a standoff when Chuck comes in and threatens to shoot The Ring leader (no pun intended) with Casey’s laser pen. The Ring leader balks and says Chuck wouldn’t so of course, he does.

The Ring now have the upper hand, until Chuck flashes on a ninja star. He then uses his new found ability to throw the knife-pen at the leader’s hand. Team Chuck prevails and Casey tells Chuck to make sure Manoosh doesn’t leave. Manoosh pleads with Chuck to let him go and not put him in a CIA detention center. Chuck lets Manoosh go, since he feels sorry for Manoosh. Casey sees him walking off and is about to shoot him while commenting that Chuck doesn’t have the stones to be a real spy, when Chuck uses a tranquilizer gun to stop Manoosh.

Back in the underground CIA facility, Chuck is now faced with the task of letting Manoosh know he has to be detained. This is a crucial point in the show, not only for the episode but for the series since up until this point Chuck was always the friendly one. He would put his faith in people and he lived and died with his feelings and emotions. Throwing all that away is hard, but Chuck manages to put all that aside and Manoosh is taken away by two other CIA agents. Casey says the best way to deal with the pain afterwards is with Johnny Walker Black.

Back in the Buy More, Hannah confronts Chuck about the whole “yogurt time” thing. Morgan comes up to Chuck and asks if there’s something Chuck isn’t telling him. Chuck says there is nothing going on and the two walk off. Morgan is upset Chuck isn’t being honest so he has Jeff and Lester spy on Chuck.

When Ellie gets the first class tickets from Chuck for a trip to Paris, Devon freaks out and runs out of the house with the tickets. Morgan is standing outside as Devon departs. Morgan and Ellie talk about how weird both Chuck and Devon have been acting lately and they agree to team up and figure out what is going on.

Watching on the monitors, Casey notes that Chuck is finally becoming a spy and that it’s a good thing.

“Is it?” Sarah wonders, referring back to her feelings of Chuck as the friendly, goofy asset she used to protect, not a cold, emotionless spy. The screen then goes back to Sarah walking into the Buy More for the first time. She’s on the phone with her supervisor giving her instructions on what to do with Chuck. She looks up at him at the Nerd Herd desk and says, “Piece of cake,” as she walks over to  him.

Whew! We made it. Well this episode certainly had a lot going on, and it sets up for what is going to be a crazy season. First, the love triangle of Morgan, Chuck, and Hannah is one to note. From the moment Chuck and Hannah met there was an apparent mutual interest, but now that Morgan is in on things, this situation could get ugly fast. There’s also Morgan and Ellie dedicating more time to spy on Chuck to see what is really happening. Seeing Sarah’s remorse at Chuck becoming a spy is also worth noting, as she might still have feelings for him.

© ABC

[Ed. Note--Our managing editor Felicite Fallon will also be doing The Yeti's recaps of the final season of that show we're all obsessed with, Lost. Normally our TV recaps are very picture-intensive, but with this show it's like "Why bother? It won't to help us be any less confused." So yeah, no pictures. Sorry? Anyway, Spoiler Alert! (Duh)]

Listen here, Lost. If you think you can just walk out of my life for eight months without so much as a postcard to let me know your characters were alive, if you think you can play these crazy head games with me by tearing apart the very fabric of space and time just to torture these poor sad nitwits who got trapped in your nonsensical web of sadism and shouty gunfire—oh hell, you can do whatever you want as long as you give me more delicious, delicious Ian Somerhalder. Lost, I’ve missed you.

So, Lost is back. Yay for us! But boo for the castaways, who now seem stuck in parallel dimensions (or maybe just elaborate fantasy escapism/audience mindfuckery), one in which the explosion of the hydrogen bomb plan didn’t work but conveniently blasts them out of 1977 and into the present, and one in which it apparently did, and they land in LAX like nothing happened, which really is the worst reward I can think of for all that effort. I’ll take the smoke monster and Ben Linus’ terrifying stare if I never have to endure another layover in LAX. You’re there for eight hours with the yelling kids and that awful beeping noise the security guards’ carts make when they back up and there’s nothing there but a Burger King and a newsstand and—oh, but this isn’t really about me.

Anyway, So the one-time castaways are riding along to LAX like nothing happened. But things did happen! Because it’s different now! Jack has this mysterious shaving cut and Cindy, fearing the return of the alcoholism-fueled mountain man beard, only slips him one minibottle of booze instead of two! Hurley is lucky! DESMOND IS ON THE PLANE! Boone is—hi, Boone! It is so great to see you again, seriously, and um, wow, you look great! Maybe, we could grab coffee sometime or uh, oh hey, where’s Shannon?

And let’s not forget Charlie nearly dying in the airplane bathroom, instead of drowning in the most tragic and heartbreaking television death of all time basically. Jack saves him by pulling the bag of heroin out of his throat, but as Charlie is escorted back to his seat, he shouts bitterly at Jack that he was SUPPOSED TO DIE.  Either way, watch where you’re throwing those anvils, Hobbit. You’re gonna hurt someone.

Once our heroes have landed at LAX, we are reminded of all the ways in which their pre-island lives were awful. The airline lost Jack’s father’s coffin, Locke is in a wheelchair and sans one bag of knives, and Kate is back in handcuffs. Kate runs from the cops as an excuse to let her point a gun at someone’s head, (this show is contractually obligated to have someone do that every 10 minutes) and also to escape into a taxi with Claire, probably so they can have lots of agonizingly, secretly significant interactions. You know, girl talk. Welcome back, Claire. Your authentic Australian accent is like a soothing balm after the cavalcade of terrible imitations we are subjected to on this show.

On the island, our heroes are in considerably more perilous circumstances. Despite Sawyer’s best efforts to save her, Juliet dies in his arms after a coffee invitation, her last words being “I have to tell you something, it’s really important…” This show is so meta? Who am I kidding—half the time they don’t even have the courtesy to drop a hint or two that something is important (I’m looking at you, Black Rock). The non sequitur coffee invitation and the offer to go Dutch could mean many things—one, that Juliet is an empowered 20th century woman, or possibly that she is flashing sideways, or that her mind is wandering as we’ve seen is sometimes an effect of time travel (like Charlotte’s final hours), or one of a million other things no one has thought of. Either way, she is very, very dead and Sawyer is very, very angry and Jack is very, very mopey. But then angry and mopey seem to be their two favorite emotions so I don’t see what’s so special about this particular anger vs. mope contest.

The castaways have more pressing problems, anyway—Sayid is dying from the bullet in his abs, and ghost Jacob comes to visit Hurley, telling him to take Sayid to the temple, where are they promptly attacked by yet another band of Others, the Other Others? Just how many Others are there? How do they decide who lives where? Is it a merit system or more based in nepotism? I bet Richard would let anyone guard the temple if they promised not to spill his moisturizing and eyeliner secrets to everyone.

But the Other Others can’t save Sayid. Then they collectively freak out when Hurley tells them Jacob is dead, and shoot off a firework, which seems pretty festive for such a sad occasion. Maybe they are celebrating that with Jacob gone, he won’t be bringing any more yahoos to traipse through the jungle and get a lot of people killed. Or maybe they were trying to warn the other Others [Ed. Note--the Original Others? Or the Other Other Others? We've all lost track] on the other side of the island (do you see what I’m saying about the name?), who don’t yet know that Jacob is dead.

Speaking of the other Others, crazy things are going down! Ben has just seen Coca Cola Classic Locke lying peacefully dead in the sand and is a tad wigged. Richard, fearing that some sort of unexpected mischief has gone down, sends Ben back into Jacob’s hideout with a few of Jacob’s men, where New Coke Locke promptly morphs into the smoke monster and kills them all. The smoke monster spinoff is looking more plausible every day! Coke Zero Locke chats with Ben about all the improvements he has made to Coca Cola Classic Locke, who was a loser and a failure, but Ben seems to think the change in marketing direction was ill-advised. Locke disagrees, strides outside, steals Richard, and walks out, leaving everyone kind of buh guh wuh?

Oh, and then Sayid comes back to life. But is it really Sayid or is it Jacob reincarnated? If so, then I must say he could not have chosen a better vessel for his gentle, benevolent, altruistic, totally not-manipulative spirit.