President Barack Obama at his first State of the Union address.

President Obama gave his first State of the Union address on Wednesday, January 27, and I had my concerns about what was to come. My fears proved well-founded. Dubya’s State of the Union addresses were more than mere political speeches – they were masterpieces of dark, screwball comedy, using blatant absurdity to reveal deep and disturbing truths about our national character. Anyone with a heart and a brain had to laugh, if only to keep from breaking down in tears.

Inevitably, Obama failed to live up to his predecessor. Besides a few quips, the whole affair came off as pretty much sober-minded and reasonable, hardly the laugh riot one would expect from contemporary American politics. However, I’ll do my best examine the speech in a similar manner.

How much of what was said matters?

Obviously, certain parts of the speech matter very much. When the President announces goals and policies for the coming year, we should all pay attention. What doesn’t matter, is how much Obama claims to understand the average American’s anxieties. Every politician worth his campaign contributions says they know how rough it is for the working class, and it’s all touchy-feely bullshit. We already know we need more jobs that pay better. We already know about our own cynical and distrustful attitudes towards the government. We already know Wall Street is doing better than Main Street, and that Tennessee Street is just gross. We already know our own deeply moving and allegorical stories—we’re the ones sending those letters to the White House.

Obama waxing poetic about how much he sympathizes with us isn’t a serious explanation of his new jobs bill. It’s about selling himself as President. I get worried when I see fellow progressives trust that he means every word he says and thus things are great. I voted for the guy, and I support the jobs bill. I don’t think it goes far enough, but it’s something, at least. A good idea, and it was eloquently presented. But that eloquent presentation doesn’t matter. It’s impressive, sure, but what matters is whether or not the bill actually becomes law. And so far, Obama and our Democratically controlled Congress haven’t shown much skill in that area. [Ed. Note: Gotta love conventional wisdom.]

Yes, the Republicans are obstructionist. As Obama pointed out, they’ve nearly annihilated meaningful health care reform out of spite. But Obama and the other Democrats let them do it. Instead of getting organized, making demands, and refusing to take no for answer they twiddled their thumbs playing nicety-nice bi-partisan games that, from the outset, clearly weren’t going to get anywhere. If anything proposed Wednesday night takes a similar route, none of Obama’s inspirational talk matters, which in many cases would be very problematic, possibly catastrophic. We need debt forgiveness for student loans. We need better public transportation, and the new high-speed railway connecting Tampa to Orlando is an awesome example. We need clean energy – although I have to say, the nuclear power, offshore drilling, and “clean” coal plants Obama mentioned don’t really fit into that category. But still, these are all important issues.

Also important, as the President mentioned, is the necessity of transparency in government and the protection of civil rights. What went unmentioned were some major blemishes on the President’s record concerning both issues. On the issue of transparency, there was the secret negotiating with the pharmaceutical lobby. As for civil rights, there’s the continued practice of holding terror suspects without officially charging them with a crime, a practice that can extend to American citizens like Syed Fahad Hashmi.

To be fair, Obama has kicked ass over that last guy, even if he’s not as funny, and his big ears will never be able to rival that dumb squint. By and large, 2009 was a vast improvement over the preceding eight years of crazy. Even I felt a twinge of hope in my lightless, anarchic, distrustful heart at the mention of troops coming home. And I love having a President who can fluently speak his native language. Unfortunately, if it turns out all he can do is talk, that’s not good enough. The planet is melting, and most of my friends can’t afford to see a doctor when they need to. That’s not funny.

[Ed. Note--In keeping with the promise laid out in The Yeti Blog's original charter, we are happy to supplement Matthew's serious commentary on the State of the Union with a light-hearted musical interpretation from The Gregory Brothers (schmoyoho), the folks behind the Auto-Tune the News series of web videos. We hope you enjoy.]

Photo from Wikimedia Commons.

Presented is a rendition of President Barack Obama’s first State of the Union address in haiku form:

Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! my wife
Fixing our problems: easy
Filibusters suck.

And here is a haiku version of the official Republican response from Governor Bob McDonnell of Virginia:

My sons enjoy sports
Republican talking points
The Scriptures say, “Jobs”

Eat shit, Robert Frost.

]]> http://www.theyetionline.com/views/opinions/the-state-of-the-union-a-haiku-2/feed/ 0 http://www.theyetionline.com/views/the-yeti-blog/these-pretzels-are-making-me-racist/ http://www.theyetionline.com/views/the-yeti-blog/these-pretzels-are-making-me-racist/#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:30:02 +0000 Andy http://theyetiblog.wordpress.com/?p=380

This was all over the internet yesterday, and yes, obviously, all of these people are 100% racist (especially the baby–everybody knows that only racists love lollipops).

The funniest part of the video, though, is that the black guy at the end is super sad. Like he just found out, and is so disappointed in himself!

But you know, this video reminds me of something. Different people trying to say the same line with different deliveries, each one competing with the rest for the best actorly rendition. It all feels so familiar… hmm… what it could it be…

Oh yes, that’s it.

(via Videogum and Wonkette)

We at the Yetiblog love Japan. We have so much to be thankful for from this tiny island, such as Nintendo and bukkake. My first reaction was to treat this video was like Telemundo, much funnier when left untranslated.

However, the title “My Boyfriend Is The President” suggests a whole new world of amazing and hilarious possibilities. Enjoy the Pope’s Pikachu voice, a bizarro Hillary Clinton, and some Putin-on-Kim Jong-il gay action. [Ed. Note: My favorites are the guy riding a Segway across the sky yelling “Gyuuuuuun!” at 0:28 and the anime sweat drop on Bill Clinton at 0:49]

(via Wonkette)