[Ed. Note--You all know our resident Glee recapper extraordinaire, Erika. Presented is her recap of last week's episode, "Bad Reputation". SPOILER ALERT, duh.]

Week before last: Rachel started dating Jesse from Vocal Adrenaline but now he sings for Glee and she hasn’t slept with him yet; Emma almost slept with Will but chickened out; Finn slept with Santana but said he didn’t; and Mercedes and Kurt joined the Cheerios.

Last week: Mercedes made it through some weight issues with help from Quinn; Kurt’s dad and Finn’s mom started dating; April came back and bought the auditorium for the Glee club; and Sue narrowly escaped getting exposed by an investigative reporter with help from Mercedes.

(Also I’m free from classes and finals now, which means I am all yours this summer.)

The show opens with Sue dancing to the classically awful Olivia Newton John horror from the 80s, “Let’s Get Physical”, on the computer courtesy of Kurt. Finn’s idea? Post it on YouTube. When he is met with objections, Jesse suggests that Glee should be more badass.

Sue, unsuspecting, is walking down the hallway. The typical fear of Sue Sylvester has been diffused into cheerful (or Gleeful?) informalities.

Sue is confused.

So, Sue does the only thing she can do: goes directly to Figgins’ office and rats out the Glee club. She has also updated her insults: Will’s chin, apparently, looks like a baby’s ass. When Will states, calmly, that Glee club had nothing to do with it, because Sue is generally disliked, Sue replies with the Glist.

A Glist, you ask? It is a “weekly” ranking of the Glee clubbers based on sexual promiscuity. Figgins is, of course, unhappy. He cites a recent incident in which an entire school was expelled because of a photo of the superintendent in lingerie and riding a pony surfaced. Figgins’ ultimatum? Find and suspend the student responsible or the entire Glee club will be held accountable.

At rehearsal, Will shows the club the Glist and begins his interrogations. Everyone accuses Puck, who is offended by their accusations. The club’s star troublemaker says, “Sure, I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people that I don’t know. I own that. But  I’m not a liar.” Will says that this reputation is damaging to the club, but Artie counters that maybe this more dangerous edge of the Glee club will stop people from flushing his glasses down the toilet. That sounds horribly expensive, Artie!

Will says that things are hard and starts handing out new music. Anything can be solved with music.

The club is a little apprehensive of their assignment to pick a song that’s a joke and get rid of its bad reputation, with like, magic or something? It’s not really clear. Will decides to provide an example, and goes into the first number, “Ice Ice Baby” from Vanilla Ice.

This song is paroled. Thank you, Glee. And poor Artie. (Wheelchair=No Dancing.)

Meanwhile, Sue walks into the faculty room to face the “cruel slow-motion laughter.” A new staff member, Brenda Castle (guest star Molly Shannon), approaches and calls Sue an embarrassment. Sue storms from the room, mortified.

Rachel and Artie are having a little chat in the hallway. Rachel was dead last on the Glist with a score of -5. (How does that even happen? What are the scoring rules of the Glist again?) She wants the AV club’s help with her new video project that she wants to use to boost her bad reputation. She does not want a good reputation, in fact she wants to be “ musically promiscuous.” Can anyone smell this backfiring?

Rachel isn’t the only Gleek concerned with her reputation, or lack thereof. Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina were not even featured on the list. So Kurt has summoned them to plan their descent into depravity. Brittany is there too, because…

“I’ve been here since first period. I have a cold. I took all my antibiotics and the same time, and now I can’t remember how to leave.”

We love you Brittany. [Ed. Note--So much.]

So they include Brittany in their plot, which is great since she’s the greatest. Kurt’s diabolical scheme? Be a disruption in the library. Not by trying to check out a reference book, no, but by causing full on chaos–SINGING IN THE LIBRARY. Seriously, what a bunch of nerds.

Sue is pouring out her heart to her sister with Down’s syndrome, Jean. Sue is in a state of shock at the way that people were treating her and apologizes for not protecting her sister more. It’s moments like these that remind us Sue Sylvester is human. Jean reminds her that they used to “give back” when they felt bad like this.

So Sue becomes Emma’s new therapist. Wait… what? Emma is rightly apprehensive, but it’s okay because Sue has her masters in… Counseling. Sure, television, whatever you say. Oh, and she had baby monitors planted in Will’s house (thanks, Patriot Act!), which caught his make out session with Shelby (Vocal Adrenaline coach/Rachel’s secret mom/Idina Menzel) and his sleepover with April. Sue spills the beans and tells Emma that she needs to stand up for herself and confront Will in a public setting.

Meanwhile, Puck is in Rachel’s room. Uh oh. What are you doing Rachel? Oh and Puck is moonlighting as the Phantom of the Opera.

Go Puck.

Rachel asks him to help with her Glee club project a video of “Run Joey Run” by David Geddes. Puck asks her if she thinks he made the Glist. And then they start talking about reputations, and…

Just say no, Rachel! [Ed. Note--DO IT, RACHEL!]

Well, Rachel doesn’t kiss him and when Puck realizes he won’t be getting any he tries to leave. Rachel gets him to stay to help with the project.

At school, Emma is being propelled along by Sue to the faculty room to confront Will. They are slightly detoured by Brenda and they exchange words. (Sue has met her match) Brenda leaves, and Sue pushes Emma into the teacher’s lounge.

Will is talking to another teacher, solemnly. Emma wants to talk, but Will asks her to give him a second. Emma looses it. She tells him that she can’t wait for the end of his heavy petting session with the teacher, which was actually a discussion about the aforementioned teacher’s recent widowing. (Nice going Emma.) Undeterred, she plows on, saying that no one is safe and tears him a new one.

And then she calls him a slut.

Wow Emma. [Ed. Note--When she's right she's right.]

Meanwhile, Kurt, Mercedes, Brittany, Tina, and Artie enter the library. They perform their rendition of “U Can’t Touch This” from MC Hammer.

Yikes.

The librarian tells them it was very cute. And asks them to perform for her church’s Sunday service.

Sorry guys, better luck next time.

Will is now interrogating the Glee club member by member. Finn, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Puck, Brittany, and Quinn all deny and push the blame off to someone else. Frustrated, Will slams the desk and says that they aren’t leaving until he gets answers.

Kurt: May I be blunt?

Will: Shoot.

Kurt: Ever since you’ve separated from your wife, you’ve spent a lot of late nights watching reruns of Law and Order, haven’t you? (beat) Thought so.

Will dejected, stops the questioning. Meanwhile, Artie suggests that they confess to Sue that they posted the video.

Sue, meanwhile, is writing in her journal about the humiliations she has endured because of this video scandal. (Is this karmic retribution for the video she tried to hold against Figgins in Season 1?) She gets a phone call from Olivia Newton John. Sue, annoyed and thinking this is a hoax, calls her accent ridiculous and hangs up on her. Olivia calls back and this time Sue drops the phone. She wanted to know why Sue danced to the video and wants Sue’s help to save it.

In the hallway Will is facing Sue’s criticisms, Brenda’s come-ons and Figgins’ prayers because of his reputation. Ken makes a comeback, popping out of nowhere to chew on Will for breaking Emma’s heart. And Sue walks by again just to call him a slut.

Kurt is saying his farewells to Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, and Artie. He approaches Sue, confesses, and she thanks him.

Kurt is stunned.

Confused, they go and search for the video and find this amazing footage featuring Olivia Newton John and one Sue Sylvester in a new rendition of “Physical.”

Muscles, tans, and spandex. What more could we ask for? [Ed. Note--A better song?]

Go Sue and Olivia.

I agree, Mercedes.

At rehearsal, Will gives the club an ultimatum about the Glist. Rachel shows them her project.

Puck is singing. Jesse is confused. Finn is confused. Then Jesse is singing. Now Puck is confused and Finn is still confused. Then Finn is singing, and everyone is confused.

Now Finn, Jesse, and Puck are, on top of being confused, also pissed.

Bad Rachel. Very bad Rachel.

The boys break out in protest. Finn tears her a new one and they walk out on her. Will looks disappointed.

Jean and Sue are hanging out again. Sue is happy about her new attitude change, but she kind of skims over the part where she bragged about being a top 700 recording artist to the faculty lounge. But Sue is taking the money that she’s getting from the video and donating it to the home where Jean lives.

Bring on the warm fuzzies.

Speaking of warm fuzzies, Will has flowers for Emma. She takes them, uncertain, and Will apologizes for his actions. He wants to fix things with Emma, but Emma is somewhat unresponsive. She thanks him for the flowers and Will leaves, a little crushed. However, he realizes that Quinn made the list, because of some stupid and lazily written reason.

Quinn breaks down and says that “a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all.” Will gives her a few inspirational words and… Figgins walks in the door, seeking the culprit.

Will doesn’t rat out Quinn and gets Glee club off the hook. Oh, and Figgins is still praying for him.

In between classes, Jesse approaches Rachel. He confronts her about what she did. Rachel says, “I knew you’d break my heart.” To which Jesse responds, “You broke mine first.”

Wow, this makes me think that Jesse really cared about Rachel and isn’t a spy like I originally thought. [Ed. Note--"I became a spy before I really got to know you!" -Jesse, before the season's end, mark my words.]

Which brings us to our final song from Bonnie Taylor, “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, complete with Jesse and Rachel doing ballet for the number. Finn and Jesse seem to be her focus, but she’s definitely spending more time looking at Jesse.

As the song ends, Finn, the entire club, and Jesse walk out on Rachel. Good going Rachel.

Next week: Rachel becomes mute; Puck goes after Mercedes; and Brittany and Kurt elope.

OH WOW GLEE IS BACK! Are you guys psyched or what?

Rachel, Mercedes, and Kurt still haven’t come off of the high from winning sectionals: everyone’s looking at them differently, they’re Glitterati, and Kurt feels like Lady Gaga.

Rawr.

But, according to the slushie-wielding masses, Glee still makes up the population of Loosertown. Sorry Rachel.

Meanwhile, Figgins is telling Will that Glee needs to place at Regionals because the Cheerios need the auditorium for practice space in the cold weather. Hold on—Will got rid of Sue after sectionals, right?

… Sorry Will. Sue’s back with a vengeance and much better blackmail on Figgins. Can’t you see the way he cringed when she mentioned whip cream? How could you, Figgins? Will is righteously pissed.

And it’s now Basketball season! As you can see, Finn is a bit distracted. It might be Puck, who is also on the team, or how he isn’t really over Quinn, but it’s most likely Rachel in the bright blue t-shirt that proudly proclaims “TEAM FINN” with gold stars. Glad to see that Glee is staying out of the Twilight debate.

Oh, and Rachel is finally revealed as the crazy girlfriend that we all expected her to be: chatty, controlling, and complete with His & Her date calendars. (Dear Gleeks, tell me, are those the heads of Rachel and Finn photo-shopped onto the bodies of fluffy kittens?) Finn is also aspiring to be Ken because of his amazing way of dealing with the loss of his fiancé: gaining forty pounds and completely losing whatever microscopic sense of personal hygiene he had in the first place. But still, this is accepted as normal–which is what Finn wants, right?

Poor Finn.

As a precursor to Sue’s tale of blackmail, she is no longer confused by another student’s “she-male looks” and will, out of the goodness of her heart, donate his ponytail to the victims of Hurricane Katrina that need to patch up their trailers. Bless you, Sue, bless you.

Oh wait, you date-raped the Principal. Never mind.

Sue refuses to bury the hatchet, promising pain and unemployment for the humiliation that Will caused.

At rehearsal, Will is practicing his artistic talent and giving our favorite starlets a history lesson about telephone greetings, which leads to a casual reminder that Kurt’s mom is dead.

Poor Kurt. We love you! Anyway, Will says that New Directions needs, well, new new directions. So the assignment of the week is to come up with a song that has “hello” in the title. Sounds easy, right? We’ll see.

Alright, so the most I could do at this next part was hyperventilate and try to not let out a rush of fangirly joy.

Will: I mean, here we are, we’ve been in the exact situation a hundred times… Only this time, I can just lean over and kiss you if I want to. (pause, get nasty) And I want to.

Man, Will, you are one sly dog. Of course, Emma freaks out a little, because she’s OCD and all. Apparently, the only reason that she kissed him last time was because he caught her by “surprise sneak attack.” Will, however, agrees (dammit Will!) and suggests they go on a date. At his place. He’s cooking.

…Hawt.

Yeah, Emma, I know how you feel.

Meanwhile, Sue is still in control of Brittany and Santana. Right now she wants them to commit seppuku with a letter opener for helping Glee win Sectionals. So, to make up for their error, Sue’s new diabolical scheme is to have them seduce Finn to piss off Rachel so she’ll leave the club in shame. Sue, I don’t know if you understand that, while Santana is definitely conniving, Brittany has trouble remembering her middle name and Finn is as sharp as a basketball when it comes to women, or anything for that matter. Can’t you see this backfiring?

Will and Finn are having quality time. Will is giving Finn a pep-talk, trying to introduce him to his inner rock star and the new person he has become since he left Quinn. Cue first song of the second season: “Hello, I Love You” by the Doors. And, since music solves everything, Finn’s confidence is super-charged. So much so, that he’s got his groove back and gained a cheerleader entourage.

Witness the power of music.

Oh, and note the laser beams that shoot out of Kurt’s eyes when Finn was performing for the club and kinda sorta singing the song in his general direction. Now that the song is over, the cheerleaders are on the move. Quinn knows exactly what’s going on but doesn’t say anything. Best not to get involved, girl. Santana and Brittany suggest a date… with both of them.

Can you see him doing the math in his head? Bad Finn.

So Santana and Brittany give him a time, place, and table count (since we all understand Finn’s trouble with numbers). Rachel is a little suspicious when she sees them walking away and asks Finn what they wanted. Finn, showing some primordial glimmer of intelligence, says nothing. Rachel drags him to one side and tells him what we all know: she’s “not popular” and her “personality, though exciting, isn’t exactly low-maintenance,” but she’ll always be honest with him. And she also says that she wants him to be honest with her. To which Finn, the genius, responds, “I don’t think I want to be your boyfriend.” This wouldn’t be as bad except Finn adds that he needs to “connect with [his] inner rock star before [he] can fully commit to one woman.”

To which Rachel responds: “I’ll tell you who you are. You’re a scared little boy. You’re afraid of dating me because you think it might hurt your reputation which, though you would never admit it, is very important to you. You hate what Quinn did to you, not just because it hurt but because it was so humiliating.”

ZING! You tell him, girl.

At rehearsal Rachel has a song. Which is, of course, “Gives You Hell” by All American Rejects. See Finn? That was a bad move back there. Everyone, save for Finn and Will, gets into it. Rachel does a little dance with the Other Asian (who’s name, I have just found out, is Mike Chang. Who knew?).

His name is MIKE!

Anyway, Will is pissed. He’s nervous about Vocal Adrenaline.

Moved by Will’s anger, Rachel goes looking for music at a… library… place? Here, she gets approached by a devilishly handsome, confident, soft spoken young man by the name of Jessie St. James, also known as the male lead of Vocal Adrenaline. He is blatantly coming on to our starlet before, during, and after they sing a duet of Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello.”

There is some definite chemistry. Or trickery. And a random band? (Wait, what?) Basically, they rock the song, and Jessie suggests that they do this more often, like, on Friday night. Say no Rachel! Just say no!

Speaking of dates, Brittany and Santana are on one. Gossiping. About hot guys and how Finn should be dating someone like them instead of someone like Rachel. Finn, of course, is right across from them, a little confused. He leaves without finishing his meal, because aside from them gossiping like he’s not there, they’re also bitchy. But lo, all is not a complete loss. Brittany shares with us yet another piece of her never-ending wisdom: “Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?”

We love you Brittany, even if you work for the enemy.

And holy crap, look! Another date. This one, starring Will and Emma, is going swimmingly. They’re slow dancing to “Hello Again” by Neil Diamond and Will is singing to her.

And we all fall into a respectful, yet giddy silence for a Will/Emma make-out session, which we’ve been waiting for since forever. Emma stops him though, not because she’s being OCD, but because she’s not only mentally ill, she’s also a virgin. Emma freaks out a bit, but Will lies and says he understands and they sit down to watch one of the only movies that Terri left behind: Jerry Bruckheimer masterpiece Armageddon.

Next day, Finn approaches Rachel about dating, because he wants her now. Rachel, however, has Jessie. (Bad Rachel!) Rachel is convinced that this “Romeo and Juliet romance” won’t be a problem. Finn is righteously suspicious. So he rats her out to Will.

Will arrives at the Vocal Adrenaline practice, where he catches their rendition of AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell.” Shelby, the director (played by the amazing Indina Menzel), brings one image to mind: a Sue Sylvester of Glee directing, except not a sharp and hell-bent on Will’s destruction. [Ed. Note: Also she looks like Rachel's MILF mom.]

Or is she? Anyway, Will confronts her about Rachel and Jessie. She takes it fine, and suddenly…

BAD WILL. VERY BAD WILL.

Will stops Shelby as she’s trying to strip off his shirt. He makes her coffee and they sit down for a nice chat. Shelby is somewhat confused when she hears that Will isn’t exactly divorced and somewhat dating Emma. Will aptly puts it as, “I’m kind of a mess.” Here I had a déjà vu moment, because Shelby gives him the same advice that Will gave Finn, which makes me wonder if Schue is stupid. Anyway, Shelby gives him her number for when he gets things sorted out.

Still. Bad Will.

Rachel is confronted by Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, and Artie about Jessie. Rachel attempts to smooth things over, but fails. Mercedes, who is the queen of telling people what needs to be said [Ed. Note: Mercedes is the show's token Sassy Black Girl Who Tells It Like It Is.], tells Rachel, “We’re a team. And all you’ve ever wanted if for us to be great and be apart of something special. Now is that still true, or not?”

Go Mercedes.

Meanwhile, Sue tries to brainwash Rachel with the classic “Old Maid’s Club” tick. This is a club she invented just now for lonely, unlovable girls who can’t find a man. Don’t listen to her Rachel!

Oh, and Emma is setting up a suprise for Will when HOLY CRAP Terry walks in. They get into a little verbal catfight and Terry tells Emma that the song Will chose was their prom song.

…hate you Terry.

Rachel goes to visit Jessie at the Vocal Adrenaline stage to confront him about the truth of his intentions. Sly snake that he is, Jessie reintroduces himself as “Jessie, the guy who’s nuts about you; the guy who would never hurt you.” Rachel tells him that no one can know.

Don’t listen to him Rachel!

See that? That there. He’s looking at his coach. Who set this up. See? Bad Rachel.

Will is in Emma’s office, to talk about the perfect dinner table that she had set up. Emma tells him that Terry came by. That girl is way too smart for her own good. She tells Will the same thing that Shelby told him, which was the same thing that Will told Finn way back at the beginning of the episode. Am I detecting a pattern here?

Will and Emma break it off, but they do leave the door open. Emma sits down and cries.

Rachel tells Finn that she ended it with Jessie. But what’s this? Finn wants to be with Rachel! Rachel is speechless and then says she can’t. Finn says, “Woah, I’m not just some guy that you met at a music store that you can just blow off. I don’t give up that easy.” My, how the tables have turned.

As the ending song, New Directions present “Hello, Goodbye” from the Beatles while Emma watches will from the balcony of the auditorium. The Rachel and Finn chemistry has turned emotionally fraught.

See? Clearly a face tormented by emotional conflict. The song ends, and Rachel runs off stage.

Next Week: Glee travels back in time when Sue understudied for Madonna. Speaking of which, after the show they aired this piece of genius: