The film opens in medias res with the titular heroine (played by the often remarkable Mia Wasikowska) throwing herself into the cold, wet, wilderness of the English countryside and landing on the front door of St. John (played by Jamie Bell). After the delirious girl is taken in and cared for, we flashback to the beginning of Brontë’s novel, moving through Jane’s situation as the unwanted ward of her wealthy aunt, as well a brief sequence of her education at the Lowood School. These flashbacks pepper the present action of the film as Jane becomes acclimated into the small parish St. John (pronounced ‘Syn-Gyn’) runs as the minister.

We learn that Jane left Lowood for the gothic Thornfield to work as a governess to Adele, the illegitimate child of the byronically charming Mr. Rochester (Michael Fassbender). Intrigue and romance ensue.

As this is largely a love story, the chemistry of the two lead actors, Wasikowska and Fassbender, determines a great deal of the movie’s success. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much there. Both actors found their individual characters with enough confidence to exist on the screen, but the attraction between the two was understated at best. The film lacks the romantic magic of the novel, probably because Director Cary Fukunaga tries to give us the more realistic Jane Eyre.

Outdoor sequences are shot with hand cams that bounce behind Jane as she walks down garden paths and picks flowers with Rochester. The interior scenes look almost like a different movie as Fukunaga takes full advantage of what a film set offers. He lights and places his objects meticulously with a dense array of muted colors that make every frame look like a Vermeer painting.

The film is paced well, coming in at two-hour runtime (pretty standard for a Victorian adaption) but leaves a few some elements of the plot only half-explained so that anyone not familiar with the novel might have some questions at the end. All-in-all, what is supposed to work in this film works, but not too memorably or, for that matter, impressively. If you like Brontë or think it might help you chat up coeds at The Warehouse, you might want to see it; and if not, there’s still the new Pirates, and it’s still in 3D!

Andy: We’re about to start @theyetiblog‘s livetweeting of the Oscars! @FSUYeti will be joining in the tweeting in about a half hour.   7:51 PM Mar 7th

Andy: As for your friendly neighborhood Yetiblogger, we will brb after we RUUUUUUUUNNNN to get a bunch of alcohol, because seriously, necessary.   7:52 PM Mar 7th [Ed. Note: Always drink responsibly.]

Andy: Taylor Lautner is there, wearing a shirt! #weird   8:27 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Here go the Oscars…   8:30 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Is it starting? OK it’s starting. Livetweets, AWAAAYYY!!!   8:31 PM Mar 7th

Ian: NPH’s jacket is going to give me a stroke   8:32 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Is Neil Patrick Harris the only person in Hollywood who’s allowed to sing at awards shows?   8:33 PM Mar 7th

Ian: haha Meryl Streep holds the record for most losses   8:36 PM Mar 7th [Ed. Note: Co-host Steve Martin made a joke about thinking of having the most Oscar nominations as having the most Oscar losses.]

Andy: Is it weird that the title “Dame” always makes me think of Lady Pimps?   8:38 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy no… no it is not   8:39 PM Mar 7th

Ian: George Clooney didn’t want to be mentioned… I can tell   8:41 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Penelope Cruz doesn’t believe in milking humanity’s innate sadism for the sake of comedy. BOO!!!   8:45 PM Mar 7th

Ian: These montages for the nominees seem a bit excessive.   8:45 PM Mar 7th

[Christoph Waltz of the Quentin Tarantino film Inglorious Basterds wins Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.]

Ian: Shocker… Waltz was awesome in “IB”8:48 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Duh times duh divided by duh to the duh power.   8:49 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Christoph Waltz should get another Oscar for fitting an entire Victorian novel into a thirty-second award acceptance speech.   8:50 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Ryan Reynolds at the oscars? Who let him in?   8:50 PM Mar 7th

Andy: No one should ever let Ryan Reynolds speak seriously about anything.   8:51 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Was that [montage] for the blind side or sandra bullock?   8:52 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Hey! It’s Michael Scott!   8:55 PM Mar 7th

[The nominees for Best Animated Feature are announced.]

Ian: WOOOO MR FOX   8:56 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Shocker. Well, George Clooney, you had the most sultry voiceover, if that helps8:59 PM Mar 7th

Andy: (Duh + Durr)/Doi^Nodoi   9:01 PM Mar 7th [Ed. Note: The Yeti believes in recycling, for the environment. Jokes count! (No they don't.)]

[Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried present the nominees for Best Song.]

Andy: Miley Cyrus is TALL!   9:01 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Doesn’t Randy Newman have like, 12 oscars from the Toy Story songs already?   9:02 PM Mar 7th

[T-Bone Burnett wins for "The Weary Kind" from the film Crazy Heart.]

Andy: Does T-Bone Burnett even have eyes behind those sunglasses?   9:04 PM Mar 7th

Ian: These original screenplay clips are awesome   9:14 PM Mar 7th

[Now there's big John Hughes tribute. RIP John Hughes.]

Andy: Did John Hughes ever win any Oscars?   9:18 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Macaulay (sp?) Culkin? Where’s the scream that made you famous!?!?   9:22 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Kristen Stewart was REALLY moved by that John Hughes tribute. Or maybe that’s just her face.   9:24 PM Mar 7th

Andy: I can understand why Zoe Saldana would want to show off her incredible legs, but that dress is DISGUSTING. #didntwatchtheredcarpet   9:29 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Who’s the lady who pulled a Kanye on this guy’s speech?   9:35 PM Mar 7th [This was Elinor Burkett, producer of the Oscar-winning Documentary Short "Music By Prudence". You can read about the incident here.]

[Ben Stiller comes out to present the award for Best Makeup dressed as a Na'vi, from Avatar.]

Ian: hahahahahahaha ben stiller is awesome   9:38 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Blue Steel!   9:38 PM Mar 7th

Andy: I like that Jeff Bridges introduced the Coen Bros movie montage. The Dude abides, after all.   9:44 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Well they probably paid him with a new rug   9:47 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Are any moviemakers insulted by the commercial about tobacco product placement in movies?   9:47 PM Mar 7th

[Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire wins Best Adapted Screenplay.]

Andy: So Precious gets this one and Mo’Nique’s Best Supporting Actress. That’s ok. Maybe I should see Precious after all.   9:53 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy I didn’t see In the Loop, but I feel like any movie that makes a story based on a person, instead of another story, should win   9:56 PM Mar 7th

[Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress for her role in Precious.]

Ian: Based on that clip alone, yeah, she deserved it   9:59 PM Mar 7th

Andy: What exactly are the politics of the Best Supporting Actress Oscars? It’s not like they nominated Sigourney Weaver.   10:03 PM Mar 7th [Seriously, what decade is it, Mo'Nique?]

[Avatar wins an Oscar, for some technical category or something.]

Andy: And so begins Avatar’s steamrolling of all of the rest of the Oscars. Prepare yourself.   10:07 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Why is Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress trying to strangle her! Someone help Sarah Jessica Parker! #didntwatchtheredcarpet   10:10 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Time for 4 or 5 awards no one cares about…   10:11 PM Mar 7th

[Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart introduce a montage tribute to horror movies.]

Andy: Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart: THE FACES OF FEAR   10:19 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Haha Dusk til Dawn clip in horror movie montage… I’m still angry that they became vampires in what was becoming an awesome movie   10:22 PM Mar 7th

[The awards for Best Sound Editing and Best Sound Mixing are presented.]

Ian: Hurt Locker has to win this… BOOOOOOM!   10:25 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Called it!   10:25 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian Please God let this be foreshadowing of the Best Picture award.   10:26 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Hurt Locker again….   10:26 PM Mar 7th

Ian: WOO! 2 for 2   10:27 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy I’m rooting for Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, or for the first time, a movie wins sans-nomination: Fantastic Mr. Fox   10:29 PM Mar 7th

[Avatar wins for Best Cinematography, which was ridiculous considering it was pretty much 100% green screen CGI bells & whistles.]

Andy: Thanking a visionary for his amazing vision, like an asshole. Sorry Mauro Fiore, it’s not really you I’m angry at.   10:37 PM Mar 7th

Andy: James Taylor is not Paul McCartney. #sad   10:39 PM Mar 7th

Ian: James Taylor is still alive? I figured he died of OD back in the day   10:39 PM Mar 7th

Andy: RT @dumase I hate memorial montages, how the applause varies. Yeah some of them were more famous but they’re all DEAD so be respectful.   10:40 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Michael Jackson was in like, 1 1/2 movie, dammit!   10:41 PM Mar 7th

Ian: No disrespect to MJ, but give him his dues at the Grammies. That spot could have gone to someone who was primarily in movies   10:42 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian The video for Thriller is better than 75% of all movies.   10:44 PM Mar 7th

[An interpretive dance troupe interpretively dances to the music from the nominees for Best Score.]

Andy: No, Academy Awards. No.   10:46 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Breakdancing at the oscars? I guess I HAVE seen everything… Except a man eat his own head   10:48 PM Mar 7th

Andy: That’s not how you dance to the Fantastic Mr. Fox music. #urdoinitwrong   10:49 PM Mar 7th

Ian: HAHAHA this guy is awesome at the robot   10:49 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Know why avatar is going to win this category? Because the song even SOUNDS like victory   10:51 PM Mar 7th

Andy: I AM GLAD AVATAR LOST! #schadenfreude   10:53 PM Mar 7th

[Best Visual Effects Oscar nominees are introduced.]

Ian: I guess whoever was best at making aliens will win this one   10:54 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Avatar wins the one award it actually deserved! Yay Avatar, way to go!   10:56 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Could we talk for a minute about how the premise of Up In the Air is patently ridiculous?   10:57 PM Mar 7th

Ian: While Hurt Locker does deserve every nomination and win, maybe it’s dumb producers shouldn’t have been banned from the show   10:59 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Screenwriter ZING! Courtesy of your host, Alec Baldwin.   11:01 PM Mar 7th

Ian: I heard a lot of good things about the cove. Rootin’ for it11:02 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian It was only the one [producer of The Hurt Locker] that got banned, he talked shit about Avatar in an email to Academy members or something.11:02 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Tonight is a triumph for dolphin murder. #what?#sorryeveryone   11:05 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Booooo Tyler Perryyyyyy.   11:06 PM Mar 7th

Andy: “TEXT DOLPHIN TO 44144 FOR FREE DOLPHIN WALLPAPERS AND RINGTONES” -Bryan, friend of The Yeti   11:07 PM Mar 7th

Ian: When is Inglorious Basterds going to get its recognition?!? It has to win SOMEthing   11:08 PM Mar 7th

Andy: @Ian Best Supporting Actor. That’s all you can expect for a Tarantino film.   11:09 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Well I’m still angry Brad Pitt didn’t get nominated   11:11 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Finally, it’s time for all the really good awards   11:18 PM Mar 7th

Ian: “Will it be Avatar, Hurt Locker, Blind Side, or is a surprise in store?” I’m not too happy that they made 10 noms and only give 3 credit   11:21 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Let’s go, Jeremy Renner   11:24 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Whenever anyone talks about a guy’s “massive talent” I always and invariably assume they’re talking about his dick. #trufax   11:29 PM Mar 7th

Andy: This is payback for snubbing The Big Lebowski. #thedudeabides   11:33 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Ya know what, I’m okay with this. Jeff Bridges is the coolest (and only) “dude” in the room   11:33 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Sandra Bullock, let’s do this.   11:41 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Would Helen Mirren be the first actor to win twice in a row?   11:43 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Helen Mirren: still a total fox at 64.   11:43 PM Mar 7th

Ian: @Andy Agreed.   11:44 PM Mar 7th

Andy: If Oprah EVER said ANYTHING about me, I would burst into tears. If it was something nice, I’d pee my pants.   11:46 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Seriously Oscars, are there to be ZERO upsets? I mean REALLY! #finallydrunk   11:49 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Anyone else see Meryl Streep like “Go on, git it!” to Sandra Bullock?   11:49 PM Mar 7th

Andy: George Clooney threw Sandra Bullock into a pool? Wish I’d been at that party.   11:51 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Sandra Bullock – will you marry me? Sincerely, IPT   11:51 PM Mar 7th

Andy: Best Actor and Actress winners get too much time to talk. #populism?   11:53 PM Mar 7th

Andy: There’s never been a black Best Director winner? Really? 2010? FAIL.   11:54 PM Mar 7th

Andy: BOOSH! HURT LOCKER FOR THE WIN!!!   11:55 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Katheryn Bigelow, congrats. That movie was the best I’ve seen in ages.   11:55 PM Mar 7th

Andy: James Cameron looks pissed. FUCK YOU, JAMES CAMERON!!!   11:58 PM Mar 7th

Ian: What kind of a title is “Academy Governor?”   11:58 PM Mar 7th

Ian: Woah – Tom Hanks, you came outta nowhere with that!   11:59 PM Mar 7th

Ian: See 3 tweets previous.   12:00 AM Mar 8th

Andy: Hurt Locker won Best Picture YAAAAAYYY! Cheer up James Cameron, you are a multi-millionaire.   12:00 AM Mar 8th

Andy: “THIS WIN MAKES UP FOR THE INTERPRETIVE DANCING (No it doesnt)” -Camille, friend of The Yeti   12:01 AM Mar 8th

Andy: Well that ended extremely abruptly–just the way we like it! If only the rest of the presentations could have followed Tom Hanks’ example.   12:04 AM Mar 8th

Andy: Thank you and good night everyone! The Yeti loves you!   12:04 AM Mar 8th

Ian: Well all, it’s been fun, but here ends my Oscar livetweet coverage. Thanks to Andy for backing me up, and follow me @IanPT89. & thanks to…   12:07 AM Mar 8th

Well that was The Yeti’s coverage of the Oscars! The Hurt Locker beat out Avatar in every category they competed for, I think, which means sexism is over, hooray! nothing, really. Oh well. See you next year, Oscars!

[Ed. Note--Our managing editor Felicite Fallon will also be doing The Yeti's recaps of the final season of that show we're all obsessed with, LOST. This is last week's episode, published as a refresher for tonight's shiny new mind explosion extravaganza. Spoiler Alert! (Duh)]

Firstly, a big thank-you to the writers for letting me know up front what I’m in for–right from the outset, I know that any episode titled “What Kate Does” means that my give-a-shit meter is going to be at about 50 percent for the next hour and I can adjust my recapping accordingly. Kate-centric episodes are usually a good timeslot for me to file paystubs or reorganize my spice cabinet, but I will say that this one is pretty solid on the whole.

I have this theory that Jack and Kate are annoying proportional to one another. Like, when Jack is being caring, resourceful and brave as opposed to braindead, that means Kate is going to make me yell at my TV, raise my blood pressure to dangerously high levels, and just be a waste of fictional human life in general. And vice versa—when Kate is up, Jack is down. Sometimes, when they’ve teamed up to be Saints Jack and Kate, handing down orders for the commoners from on high, their insufferability is exactly matched and you can hear birds harmonizing in a perfect fifth.

Well, tonight was not Kate’s moment to shine, but Jack sure came out of this looking squeaky clean for someone who was ready to stand by and let a 12 year old bleed to death.

In the “flash sideways” scenes, Kate abducts Claire’s taxi and forces the cab driver to run over Arzt’s luggage, which is strewn all over the road out in front of the airport. This is why you pack lightly, people—not only will it save you excess baggage fees, but you also won’t have the problem of armed convicts running over your electric toothbrush and palm pilot and whatever other junk Arzt was dragging around. Everyone had palm pilots in 2004, right?

At a red light, the taxi driver hightails it and Claire repeatedly begs for Kate to let her go, which Kate reluctantly does after first demanding Claire hand over her purse. This had better not lead to any tiresome shenanigans where Kate poses as Claire to cover her tracks, because the less said about the last time I had to see Kate in a blonde wig, the better.  I understand this show probably goes absurdly over budget every week, but they couldn’t have allocated more than a fourth grader’s allowance to buy a wig from Sally’s for that episode? But, OK, I understand, it was a long time ago and it’s time for me to let go.

Claire begs for her suitcase, but cold hard Kate sends her on her way empty handed, leaving Claire sobbing by the side of the road. Making Claire cry should be illegal. But well, I guess that still wouldn’t be much of a deterrent for Kate.

Next stop is the greasy auto shop, where Kate gets a mechanic to remove her handcuffs and asks for a place to change but curiously does not ask him to change her plates, which would seem to be a priority. Maybe she doesn’t think she’ll attract any attention driving a stolen taxi. After all, I’ve met ever so many gorgeous, young, female taxi drivers in my day. Perfect disguise.

Kate opens up Claire’s duffel bag and finds an impossibly cute “Myspace ho” style Polaroid of Claire pointing excitedly to her pregnant belly and a big cuddly-looking orca stuffed animal. Kate’s “well, shit” expression here is pretty classic, one of my favorite parts of this episode.

So she drives her Big Yellow Taxi back to where she dropped Claire off and Claire is kind of just sheepishly standing there. Kate gives her back her purse and offers her a ride to her next destination, which seems a little outlandish. This woman is an escaped convict who was pointing a gun at your head just minutes ago. MINUTES! But it seems that no one watches Law and Order: SVU in Australia, because she accepts Kate’s offer and they drive to the home of the couple who is supposed to be taking Claire’s baby.

But oh no! The woman’s husband just left her and she can’t take the baby anymore. I would think that would at least merit a quick phone call or a page or however people communicated in those dark pre-iPhone days, and Kate says basically the same thing, but then Claire interrupts Kate’s moral superiority party with her stupid contractions and it’s off to the hospital! Away!

At the hospital, Claire is wigging, and Kate yanks good Dr. Ethan away from whatever he was doing to see her. [Ed. Note: Ethan whose name is somehow GOODSPEED now??? WHAT??? That’s Horace’s name, not Ethan’s! WE HAVE TO MOVE THE SURNAMES!!!] Now, I’m not sure how hospital protocol works exactly, but I thought Ethan was a surgeon—so what was he doing in the maternity ward anyway? And why would he be taking care of Claire? But maybe this is more alternate timeline weirdness. For now I think we should go with “alternate timeline weirdness” rather than “plot contrivance,” because we’ve already had a few too many of those this episode and this would be a big one if it is. [Ed. Note—Probably is, though.]

Ethan tells her she can have her baby now or in two weeks, when the baby is supposed to be due, and Claire opts to wait. After Ethan leaves, two detectives pop in seeking information about Kate’s whereabouts, and Claire covers while Kate hides. Ugh. I am really not looking forward to following this wearisome albatross of a storyline again for the next couple weeks. I was absolutely ecstatic when the case was finally brought to trial and settled so I wouldn’t have to fidget through any more unengaging, emotionally uninvolving and unconvincing episodes of Kate as a fugitive, [Ed. Note—We only suspend so much disbelief.] and now here it is, back again. It’s like flunking organic chemistry and having to retake it with an even worse teacher.

When the detectives leave, Claire asks Kate what she did, and Kate asks if Claire would believe her if she said she was innocent. Sounds like that might be one of the things that changed in this reality, which actually might make the Kate on the run storyline even less gripping if she’s just doing this for completely noble reasons like covering for someone else or something. [Ed. Note—It’s especially funny because whatever Kate is or isn’t innocent of originally, she is definitely guilty of hijacking a taxi cab at gunpoint.] Claire, continuing her Virgin Mary-esque (yeah, duh) generosity streak, gives Kate her credit card to help her along, and Kate advises her to keep the baby, whom Claire named Aaron spontaneously in a moment of panic for his safety.

Island reality: Sayid is alive, and the reaction is mixed. Jack is overjoyed, Dogen (bearded Asian guy) is suspicious and Sawyer’s give-a-shit meter is rattling around zero—he fires a gun at the group and makes a typical Sawyer exit full of cowboy loner bravado, telling Kate directly not to come after him. He should know by now that this is like inviting her to follow a trail of breadcrumbs to a tasty gingerbread cottage.

"Don't come after me."

(I am so totally coming after you.)

So naturally, as soon as he’s gone, Kate volunteers to retrieve Sawyer, saying she can get him to come back. [Ed. Note—“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”] Aldo (Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) is skeptical, and demands to accompany her, as do Jin and some other Other.

Jack and Kate share a “nice” goodbye moment, and then against Jack’s better judgment, Sayid is led off to be tortured by Dogen for reasons as yet obscure to us, but the Others’ judgment is backed up by guns so they win. Then, Sayid is tortured. Sigh. I must say I am getting mighty tired of seeing characters on this show writhe around in untold pain. There must be other ways to ratchet up the dramatic tension and I urge you to explore them, writers. Also I am squeamish and please stop what are you doing with the poker oh god stop I’ll tell you everything! [Ed. Note—Also, the irony of the torturer being tortured has already been done, and that episode was great, so please stop peeing on it, Lost writers.]

Their tactics are less effective on Sayid, however, especially since they don’t ask him any questions. Lennon (the guy from Me, You and Everyone We Know with the round glasses) tells him it was a test, and he passed, but after Sayid is gone, he asks Dogen if he lied to him, and Dogen is like, “Yup.”

Jack goes in to have a chat with Dogen about this whole torture business, and let me stop here for a second because my heart is just bursting with pride. He doesn’t throw any punches, he doesn’t shout or breathe heavily through his nostrils, and he takes time to actually hear what other people are saying. Jack is now almost as mature as most five year olds! You are getting a gold star on this week’s progress report for sure, mister!

Dogen tells Jack that Sayid is “infected,” and wants Jack to give Sayid some echinacea to cure him, which will only be effective if Sayid takes it willingly.

Seriously, if that is not echinacea, then I don't even know what's real anymore

Jack: “I’m not going to give anything to Sayid unless I know what’s in it.”

Dogen: “This is your chance to redeem yourself.”

Jack: “OK, I will give this to Sayid without knowing what’s in it.”

Jack goes back to Sayid but is conflicted, especially when Sayid expresses complete trust in whatever decision Jack comes to. Jack has had quite enough of taking things on faith Season One Locke style, so he goes back to Dogen and demands to know what’s in the pill, and when Dogen refuses to tell him, he swallows it. Dogen forces him to spit it back up and admits that it’s poison. Whoops! Well, better Jack than Sayid. Not even—no, especially if it’s really Zombie Sayid, which some fans have been speculating. Sayid is already a badass, so just imagine the badass potential of a Zombie Sayid. The whole eating brains thing might get in the way of Sayid’s trademark eloquence and winningly genteel personality, but I think we could all use of break from watching everyone wave guns around, so I’m for it.

Dogen makes tea for Jack, tells him he’s afraid that Sayid has been “claimed,” and that everything that was Sayid will soon be gone. This calls to mind the “sickness” that befell Rousseau’s other scientist friends. Hmm.

[Ed. Note—He also says it’s what happened to Jack’s “sister,” who we know is Claire from way back, (guessed it way back in Season Two, boo yah) which isn’t convincingly ominous for me because all Claire did was hang out in a cabin with her dad’s ghost. Not really that terrible a deal if you ask me. Can I get “claimed,” please?]

Meanwhile, in the woods, Aldo/Mac is still skeptical of Kate’s tracking abilities, for no real reason. The more Kate asserts her authority, the more aggressive he gets, like the aggro bro he is, until finally she springs one of Rousseau’s old traps and knocks both of the others out. I guess that’s why he was suspicious. Am I expecting sweet relief from annoying characters I don’t really care about? Nope, Kate’s still here. She’s a huge bitch to Jin, who wants to go find Sun, for no reason, and then she takes off to go find Sawyer.

When she does find him, it’s naturally at the worst possible moment. Sawyer is sharing a private moment in the bedroom of the house he shared with Juliet with a shoebox he buried underneath the floorboards, because of course he is. Kate tries to slink away unseen but Sawyer catches her. She follows him out to the dock, where he contemplates the engagement ring he was going to give Juliet. He blames himself for her death because he convinced her to stay on the island, which I think is a bit of a stretch even for the perpetually guilt-ridden characters on this show, [Ed. Note—Seriously, it’s like it’s always someone else’s fault and no one ever makes their own decisions or is responsible for their own desti-MIND EXPLOSION] but this is a lovely scene so I’ll let it slide. After Sawyer leaves, Kate begins to weep, and the icicles around my cold metal heart melt a little for her.

While Jin is drinking some water from a stream, Aldo/Mac and the other Other stop by for a cordial revenge beating. Just as Aldo/Mac is really getting warmed up, however, they are both shot. My favorite thing about this show is that you know any and all deeply annoying minor characters will be swiftly and satisfyingly dispatched. Farewell, Aldo/Mac! And OMGCLIFFHANGERENDING!!! The shooter is Claire, who emerges from the bushes in desperate need of deep hair conditioning.

All images © NBC

[Ed. Note--Xavier, one of our awesome interns, will be writing recaps of Chuck for The Yeti. SPOILER ALERT, duh.]

The episode begins with someone breaking into a vault, to steal something.

It’s a mask.

But before the thief steals the mask, the support beam holding the thief’s harness begins to come loose and one of the screws falls out

The thief tries to grab the screw before it drops to the ground but barely misses it.

The screw falls to the floor and sets off the security system. The thief tries to escape through the hole in the ceiling, but the doors close and the thief is stuck.

The thief takes off his mask and reveals himself to be CIA agent Daniel Shaw. He calls Casey and the others to get him out of the vault.

Back in the Buy More, Hannah wants Chuck to be her mentor. They banter back and forth and Chuck finally agrees to let Hannah ride shotgun on the next install he has to do. In the distance, Sarah walks into the store and Chuck tells Hannah he will be right back. Sarah informs Chuck about Shaw’s predicament while Hannah watches from the background. Morgan appears behind Hannah and she asks him who Chuck is talking to.

Morgan says that is Chuck’s ex, Sarah. Chuck returns to the Nerd Herd booth to grab his bag and runs out saying, “Gotta run, Nerd Herd emergency!”

A baffled Morgan replies, “What the, I didn’t get the call… I would know… I’m the boss…”

Hannah follows Chuck out of the Buy More too, unbeknownst to Chuck.

Chuck arrives at an art museum (which looks alarmingly like the Command Center from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. Turns out both shows used the House of the Book as an exterior shot. The more you know!)

From Chuck:

From MMPR

When Chuck goes inside, Casey informs him about his mission- to restart the museum’s computer server before the room where Shaw is trapped runs out of oxygen. Chuck is hesitant, saying the museum isn’t just going to let him waltz onto their server when Casey reveals to Chuck he crashed it.

Chuck reaches the computer room and is greeted by the curator.

The curator is freaking out about the computer’s lockdown, because the computers control everything in the museum. If they stop working the art could be damaged due to the temperature changes normally controlled by the computer.

Meanwhile, Sarah and Casey go above the room Shaw is in to try and open it manually from above.

Casey wants to blow the door open but Sarah says the blast could hurt Shaw.

Back in the computer room, Hannah shows up.

“Surprise!” The two get to work on resetting the server.

Running out of air, Shaw tells Sarah and Casey to just blow the door open.

“No don’t!”

“Don’t do that…computer. I talk to them because sometimes I feel like it helps,” Chuck says as the curator and Hannah look at him strangely. They reboot the server and Shaw is lifted to safety. Chuck and Hannah embrace each other, excited about their successful outcome. The curator is so impressed with their work that he tells them about the art exhibit opening the following evening. Chuck begins to decline the invitation but the curator informs them it is not an invitation but a job opening. The curator wants to hire Chuck and Hannah to make sure no more bugs or computer mishaps occur during the unveiling of the Mask of Alexander (the artifact Shaw was trying to steal). Shaw tells Chuck to take the job so the group can go back in under cover and steal the mask.

After the opening credits, Shaw brings Sarah a cup of coffee, hinting at a potential romance between the two. [Ed. Note--These are not your grandparents' sexual innuendos!] Sarah is reluctant to Shaw’s advance thus far. Chuck and Casey enter the fort and Shaw briefs everyone about the mask. He believes the Ring are using said mask and other stolen artifacts to smuggle items throughout the world, since artifacts “do not have to go through a screening process” (this is TV, after all). Shaw then assigns everyone roles for the upcoming mission: Chuck is in the computer room as noted already, Casey is on surveillance duty, and Sarah and Shaw will be people attending the art opening as guests, posing as a couple.

Morgan and Ellie meet at Ellie’s place.

Morgan believes that Chuck’s new erratic behavior is a way of protecting them. Ellie is skeptical but Morgan brings up “the dark place,” referring to Chuck after one of his other exes broke up with him.

Next we get a sequence that weaves through Chuck and Hannah preparing for their mission in the computer room of the museum to Shaw and Sarah’s preparations, first posing as guests and then going in to steal the mask while replacing it with a decoy.

While in the computer room, Hannah reveals that she has feelings for Chuck and then moves in for the kill

Bow chicka wow wow!

Hannah stops though, because she sees Sarah on the security monitor for the lobby of the museum.

Hannah confronts Chuck about Sarah and asks about their relationship. Chuck says it is completely over. Hannah is curious to know what reasons Sarah would have to be at the museum other than to make Chuck jealous with the date she brought (Shaw). Chuck looks over at the security monitor again and has a flash when he sees this guy:

Chuck rushes out of the computer room and into the lobby. He tells Sarah and Shaw about The Ring agent he flashed on, Vassilis. Shaw says they have to abort the mission because he and Vassilis have a history. When Sarah asks if Shaw is sure Vassilis would remember him, Shaw says, “You tend to remember the guy who set your face on fire.” Shaw withdraws himself from the mission to not get the group’s cover blown. Chuck and Sarah go back to the room from earlier where Casey and Sarah tried to rescue Shaw. During that whole time, Hannah watched the group’s conversation and saw Chuck run off with Sarah, leading her to believe there is still something going on between them.

Chuck sends a bug into the computer system to keep Hannah busy while he and Sarah try to steal the mask. The curator starts berating Hannah about the whole thing as she tries to fix the problem. While in the room above the vault, Chuck hoists Sarah down into the vault so she can steal the mask and put in the decoy. While holding Sarah, Chuck is attacked by one of Vassilis’ henchmen, which sends him into the vault and Sarah back up. As the clock moves closer and closer to 8 PM, when the mask is supposed to be unveiled, Hannah works harder to fix the problem so the vault will open. From the van outside, Casey and Shaw work to keep Hannah busy. Hannah proves to be adept at fixing bugs because she keeps trumping the problems that come her way.

Chuck is still trying to switch the masks..but the vault doors begin to open.

Shaw manages to close the doors using a back-door connection through Chuck’s laptop (the one Hannah is using to fix these problems). The crowd gathered outside the vault are now confused.

Chuck finally manages to switch the masks.

The team returns to Castle (the CIA base under the yogurt store), except for Chuck, who goes to talk to Hannah. She yells at him for leaving her alone on her first Nerd Herd assignment and is upset that he lied to her about he and Sarah not being “finished.” Chuck says that he and Sarah have a very “unique” relationship. Hannah is upset that she kissed Chuck and says from here on out they should just keep things professional.

The next morning Ellie and Morgan talk about the whole Chuck situation. Morgan thinks that instead of all the sneaking around they should just confront Chuck straight up and talk to him about it. Chuck interrupts the two and Morgan ends up chickening out on asking Chuck what he’s been doing lately.

Back in the museum, Vassilis watches the security tapes of what happened the previous night. He realizes he can get the mask back by using Hannah. Vassilis calls the Nerd Herd and asks them to send Hannah because the museum is still having computer problems.

Hannah arrives at the museum and meets with Vassilis. She asks where the curator is and Vassilis replies that he is “tied up” (isn’t wordplay FUN?) Vassilis lures Hannah into the vault, shuts the doors, and triggers the security system to the oxygen begins draining slowly. (Just like Shaw’s predicament earlier in the episode, callbacks HEY-OH!)

Vassilis calls the Nerd Herd again and tells Chuck to bring him the mask or Hannah dies. Morgan tries to approach Chuck about all this weird behavior but Chuck runs out to get to the museum. Morgan follows him into the home theatre room but Chuck has gone through a secret hatch in the floor that connects the Buy More to Castle.

In Castle, Sarah and Shaw are trying to figure out if the mask has anything in it when the discover a secret hatch at the bottom. A canister rolls out of it and goes off which fills the room with smoke.

The smoke is revealed to be a poison called clyclosarin. Chuck flashes on the name and discovers there is a cure that can be inhaled. Chuck and Casey head back to the museum to retrieve the counter agent while saving Hannah in the process. Chuck uses a smoke grenade on Vassilis and his men, since Vassilis doesn’t the original poison canister already went off.

Back in Castle, Shaw and Sarah have a RealTalk <3-to-<3.

Shaw wants to clear the air between them in case they don’t survive being poisoned and admits he has been making moves on Sarah. Sarah admits she has been overreacting to his advances and also admits she has enjoyed being hit on. The computer monitors indicate that the contamination has been contained. The poison is having more of an effect on Sarah, so Shaw carries her out of Castle and into a car where they head to the museum.

In the museum, Chuck presents the decoy mask to Vassilis and his men. Vassilis says that Hannah must die because The Ring is not so forgiving of Chuck stealing the mask. Chuck says he will deploy the weapon if they refuse to let Hannah free. Vassilis thinks Chuck is bluffing so Chuck drops the mask. The grenade goes off and Vassilis’ henchmen freak out, thinking they are poisoned. Vassilis says the counter agent is in one of the vases in the museum. Chuck flashes on the correct vase, since it was stolen, and uses it to knock out Vassilis.

Chuck heads to the computer room and releases Hannah before she runs out of oxygen. Sarah and Shaw arrive and Casey gives them the counter agent. Chuck runs into the vault to check on Hannah. She is happy to see Chuck and embraces him.

Back in Castle, Shaw thanks Chuck for his work. Shaw also tells Chuck that the team won’t always be together, and that Shaw, Casey, and Sarah were Chuck’s training wheels but it is apparent that Chuck will be able to ride solo soon.

Chuck is a little shocked at this revelation. As he is leaving Castle, Sarah talks to him to make sure he is alright. Chuck says he got used to everyone working as a team. Sarah says they aren’t going anywhere yet but the time is nearing. The two also talk about how each has a new romantic interest and both seem to be happy moving on.

Ellie meets Morgan at the Buy More late at night. Morgan notes that Chuck has been sneaking around somewhere in the store. They walk up to the home theatre room and both sneak a peak in.

They see Chuck, and he isn’t alone…

Ellie is thrilled about seeing Chuck with Hannah because it means he isn’t sulking over Sarah. Morgan is not so thrilled since he has feelings for Hannah.

Back in Castle, Shaw and Sarah’s relationship “begins to take shape.” Shaw begins giving Sarah a massage. She lets it happen, but notes, “We both know how dangerous this is”–referring to the fact that both of them had previously had relationships with their partners and both those partners had been killed in action.

The final scene shows Vassilis talking to The Ring.

Vassilis informs them that he saw Shaw at the museum and asks The Ring what they plan on doing. One of the members replies, “The same thing I’m going to do to you,” and then someone from the darkness emerges to kill Vassilis. The camera zooms out of the room and the episode ends.

Love was a prevalent theme in this episode, as it had a role in the budding romances of the episode–Chuck and Hannah, as well as Shaw and Sarah. The conversation towards the end of the episode between Chuck and Sarah was interesting, because it could mean they still have feelings for one another despite finding other love interests. The relationship between Morgan and Chuck is going to be interesting moving forward as well, since Morgan had a crush on Hannah, who is now with Chuck. Watching these relationships develop throughout the rest of the season should be fun.

One big looming question still remains: Who is The Ring? So far, we’ve only seen a shadowy board of figures that has problems with CIA agents. Thus far, we have no idea what their actual goal is. As the season unfolds, hopefully more and more about the Ring will become clear.

See you all next week!

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